


Utterly, Truly, Honestly

by tiddywrites



Series: Leobin - School AU [1]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-22
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2018-09-26 06:11:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 28,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9870965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiddywrites/pseuds/tiddywrites
Summary: When the Jung family moved from Seoul to Busan 6 years ago, Hongbin was sure he would never see his childhood friend again. But a change of fate brought the friends back together, when Hakyeon, one of Hongbins friends, recognized the new student in his class, as Jung Taewoon from one of Hongbins old photographs. Excited to have his best friend back, Hongbin introduce Taekwoon to all of his  new friends and the life he has build, while Taekwoon was away.But a lot have changed while Hongbin and Taekwoon was seperated, and Hongbin doubt that they can ever go back to what they had before, when he realizes that something awfull has happened to Taekwoon; he grew up.





	1. Chapter 1

It was him. It had to be. He couldn’t have been more than 12 years old in the photo Hongbin had shown him, but there was no doubt about it. He recognized him by his eyes. They made him look like, he was far away in his own thoughts. Hakyeon definitely needed to tell Hongbin about this. He was about to reach for the phone in his bag. But too scared that the teacher would see him, and confiscate his phone, he decided to wait till the class ended, when he would meet up with Hongbin and the rest of the group in the cafeteria.  
“My name is Jung Taekwoon, I recently moved from Asan to Seoul”, the boy said with a soft, slightly shaking, voice and bowed in front of the class: “Please look after me!”. He looked back up at the teacher, his cheeks slightly red, while the class greeted him back. He didn’t seem comfortable having the attention of every student in the classroom pointed at him and it was clear he just wanted to get this over with, so he could join the rest of the class behind the desks.  
“You may sit down next to Hakyeon-ah”, the teacher said and nodded in Hakyeon’s direction. Taekwoon seemed slightly confused, so Hakyeon raised his hand to show the new student, where to sit. With fast steps Taekwoon walked down to the desk, bowed slightly before Hakyeon, and finally sat down in his seat.  
“Welcome to the class, Taekwoon”, the teacher said with a kind smile: “I hope you’ll have a nice time here”. Taekwoon gave her a forced smile and a silent nod, before looking back down at his desk. He didn’t seem like the big talker. Hakyeon wondered, if this could really be the Taekwoon, Hongbin had told so many stories about. Now that the teachers attention were no longer on him, he had taken off the fake smile and stared out of the window, looking like he wished to be anywhere else, than in this particular classroom.  
*But-*, Hakyeon corrected himself: *you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover*. Before he got to know Jaehwan, Hakyeon thought, that he was a quiet, thoughtful guy. Now that he knew Jaehwan, he knew, that Jaehwan was batshit crazy (well, he was also a very kindhearted guy, but the friends tended to forget that, when Ken once again imitated a mosquito, a dog, a seal or another animal… or dinosaur). He would have to try and talk with Taekwoon in the break. Especially if this really was the Taekwoon from Hongbins childhood. 

“Hey, Taekwoon-ah”, Hakyeon said when the class ended, making the new student look up from his papers. He quickly looked around, as if he was looking for another Taekwoon. It obviously couldn’t be him, that this boy was talking to. But he quickly saw, that over half of the class had left the room, and it probably was him the guy was talking to. He focused his eyes on the boy (he didn’t remember his name) to tell him, that he had his attention.  
“I was wondering if you would join me and my friends for lunch?”, Hakyeon said with a friendly smile: “I mean, since it’s your first day, I could imagine it would be nice to have someone to sit with at lunch”. Taekwoon bit his lip, and for a moment Hakyeon was sure, that he would decline his offer. But after a few moments of silence, Taekwoon finally nodded, agreeing to join Hakyeon and the rest for lunch. They were silent for a bit. Hakyeon expected Taekwoon to say more, but after a while he realized, that he probably wouldn’t get anything else out of the guy. So instead he grabbed his bag and headed for the cafeteria with Taekwoon right behind him.  
***  
Everything here seemed pretty similar to Taekwoons old school. The class rooms, the teachers, the students. The students were everywhere in the hallway. Girls and boys from different years who were laughing and talking with each other, as they walked to the cafeteria or out in the schoolyard.  
Taekwoon hadn’t had many friends at his old school. There had been Takuya and Sunwoo, but the main reason they had hung out with him was, that nobody else wanted to be their friends. And of course there had also been Naeun, a girl from the year under him. She had followed him everywhere, ever since they spoke with each other for the first time. Their relationship had been the closest to a friendship, Taekwoon had had in Asan. But that had changed, when Naeun had admitted her true feelings to him. Since they hadn’t been reciprocated, they had decided that it was probably best, that they stopped seeing each other.   
So Taekwoon had only had Takuya and Sunwoo to be with in the lunchbreaks, which had been okay. He had never really liked big crowds anyway.  
“The others are probably already there”, Hakyeon said and looked back at Taekwoon. He was walking right behind Hakyeon, trying not to get lost in the big crowd of people.  
“All of them are in second year”, Hakyeon carried on talking, not minding that Taekwoon didn’t answer: “Or everyone except Sanghyuk… he’s a first year”. He continued talking about his friends as they walked through the school. What year they were in. Where they lived. How he had met them. It seemed like his mouth never stood still. The exact opposite of Taekwoon, who wasn’t a talkative guy. At least not around people he had just met. He only listened with half an ear to Hakyeons great speech. Not because he wasn’t interested in, what the guy had to say. But he honestly felt a bit rude, knowing so much stuff about people he had never met.

“OI! HONGBIN-AH!”, Hakyeon shouted across the cafeteria. The sudden raise of his voice made Taekwoon jump. He looked around to spot the guy Hakyeon was calling for. He felt like… there was something about that name. A younger boy, sitting by a table in the other end of the cafeteria looked up, and smiled when he saw Hakyeon. The sight of him took Taekwoons breath away. He had smiling chocolate brown eyes, dark brown hair and dimples in both of his cheeks, which only made his face look more gorgeous. Hongbin looked back at his friends at the table and Taekwoon saw his lips moving, as if he was talking, before he got up from his chair, and walked in their direction with fast steps.  
“Hakyeon-hyung! What took you so long?”, Hongbin called with a big smile on his face. He was only a few steps away from Hakyeon and Taekwoon when he suddenly stopped. His eyes widened, focused on Taekwoon. Puzzled about the look he got from the boy, he looked to Hakyeon for help. But all he got, was the same friendly smile, he had gotten from everyone this entire day.  
“Hongbin-ah”, Hakyeon said and grabbed Hongbin by the wrist, pulling him closer to him and Taekwoon: “I would like you to meet our new student-“.  
“Taekwoon?”, Hongbin said in an asking tone. Taekwoon looked surprised at the him. Why did he know his name? Someone could have told him, Taekwoon thought to himself. But since it was his first day at the school, and he hadn’t attended any other classes, but the one they had just had, it was unlikely.   
“Y-yeah?”, Taekwoon said with a shaky voice. People were starting to look at the three boys standing by the door, and all their curious gazes made Taekwoon feel very uncomfortable. The smile disappeared from Hongbins lips. He somehow seemed… disappointed. Taekwoon wondered why. He felt terrible for disappointing the beautiful boy, and his heart started beating faster, worrying what the reason could be.   
“You… you don’t remember me?”, Hongbin said with a thin voice: “It’s me-… I mean, I’m Hongbin… Lee Hongbin”. He bowed slightly as Taekwoons eyes widened in surprise.  
He finally remembered.


	2. Chapter 2

“I can’t believe it’s actually you”, Hongbin said with a huge smile on his face and rested his head on the back of his hands. He had placed his elbows on the table, leaning a little closer to Taekwoon, who were sitting in front of him, on the other side of the table.  
“It’s been forever since I saw you last”, Hongbin sighed and tilted his head to the right: “It’s been like… five years or so!”.  
“Six”, Taekwoon corrected him with a low voice: “It’s been six years and three months”. He looked down and stuffed his face with some of the kimchi leftovers from dinner the previous night. He felt slightly bad about, having dragged Hongbin away from his friends. But Hakyeon had insisted that Hongbin and Taekwoon sat together, so they had a chance to catch up. So he and the others had retreated to another table in the cafeteria, so that Hongbin and Taekwoon would have some time alone. But Hongbin kept getting eye contact with his friends, who kept looking over at him and Taekwoon, which made it all slightly awkward.  
“How have you been?”, Hongbin asked with a curious look in his eyes: “How was Busan? Did you make some new friends? Have your family been well?”. Hongbin had many many questions, but had to stop himself, to give Taekwoon time to answer. They were silent for a bit, while Taekwoon finished chewing the food in his mouth. Hongbin almost jumped up from the chair in pure excitement. He felt like a little child again. For years all he had wished for, was for his best friend to return to Seoul, so they could talk and hang out again, as they had done, when they were younger.  
Finally Taekwoon finished chewing and Hongbin was prepared for finally getting his questions answered. But Taekwoon just filled his mouth with kimchi once again. He nodded towards Hongbin.  
“Aren’t you going to eat?”, he asked with a soft voice after swallowing his food. Hongbin was speechless. Why was Taekwoon avoiding his questions? Why didn’t he want to tell Hongbin, how he had been? They had been best friends for years, and had always told each other everything. He guessed… he guessed a lot had changed since they last saw each other.  
It took Hongbin a couple of moments before he realized that he was staring at Taekwoon with his mouth half open. He quickly shut it.  
“Uhm… n-no I forgot my lunch at home”, Hongbin stammered as an answer: “Wonshik offered me some of his lunchmoney, but I didn’t want to take his money”. Taekwoon looked thoughtful for a moment. Hongbin would have to admit, that he looked rather cute with his cheeks stuffed with food, and those dreamy brown eyes focused at Hongbin. It almost took his breath away.  
Taekwoon put his chopsticks down and pushed the box of kimchi towards Hongbin. Hongbin gave him a puzzled look in return.  
“Here”, Taekwoon mumbled, still with his mouth filled with food, and nodded towards the lunchbox.  
“Oh no it’s alright”, Hongbin declined Taekwoons offer with an excusing smile: “I’m not even that hungry”. But a loud, hungry growl from his stomach gave him away. Taekwoon quickly swallowed his food, so that he was able to talk to Hongbin.  
“Please take it”, he said with a begging voice: “I don’t want you to be hungry”. Hongbin was about to decline again, but Taekwoons begging puppy eyes finally made him accept the offer.  
“It’s really good”, Hongbin said in an impressed tone: “Did your mom make this?”. A little, almost unnoticeable, smile crept over Taekwoons lips and he quickly looked down at the table.  
“I made it”, he said blushing slightly. Hongbin looked at Taekwoon with his eyes wide open in surprise.  
“Really?”, he asked with his mouth open, forgetting that his mouth was still filled with kimchi. Taekwoon nodded as a response, and couldn’t help but laugh, when the food almost fell out of Hongbins mouth. He bowed his head trying to hide his face from Hongbin. He didn’t like his own smile, and therefore didn’t want anyone to see it (too often). Especially not Hongbin. Hongbins chocolate brown eyes always sparkled when he showed off his shining white teeth in a perfect smile. Taekwoons squinting eyes and awkward crooked smile was nothing compared to that.  
“I’m so sorry!”, Hongbin apologized with a slight blush. He couldn’t help but laugh, when Taekwoon continued to look down at the table with shaking shoulders.  
“At least you find this funny”, Hongbin said, still laughing. Taekwoon lifted his head, trying to put on his usual pokerface. But the smile kept crawling over his lips. Hongbin was about to talk again, when finally Taekwoon decided to say something.  
“Busan was… nice”, he said with a soft voice: “But it would have been a lot better if you had been there”. Hongbin smiled, and was about to add, that he had missed having Taekwoon in Seoul, but got cut off when Taekwoon, to Hongbins big surprise, talked again.  
“A lot of stuff happened in Busan… Stuff that I would rather not talk about”, he said, with his eyes focused on Hongbin: “I would like to get a new start here”. Hongbin swallowed the food in his mouth, and looked up at Taekwoon with a frown. He was about to ask, what he meant with this, but was once again cut off, when Wonshik placed his hand on his shoulder.  
“Hongbin-ah, we need to go for the next class”, Wonshik said and gave Hongbin a pat on the back: “Seongsaeng-nim will kill us, if we’re late again”. Hongbin had finished the kimchi, and was ready to go, but he still felt like he had so much to talk about with Taekwoon. So he stayed in his seat, looking at Taekwoon. But Taekwoon had said what he wanted and got up from his chair. He retrieved the lunchbox from Hongbin.  
“Thank you for the food”, Hongbin said with a little smile, while also getting up from his seat: “I ate well”.  
“Taekwoon-ah, I’ll show you to math class!”, Hakyeon said in an excited tone as soon as he reached Wonshik, Hongbin and Taekwoon. Sanghyuk, the youngest, had already left the cafeteria for his next class and Jaehwan, who were going to have the same class as Wonshik and Hongbin, was in the midst of a gag resulting in a couple of first years rolling around the floor laughing. Taekwoon gave a slight nod in response to Hakyeons offer, which made Hakyeon smile bigger than ever.  
“So I guess… I’ll see you later?”, Hongbin said to Taekwoon, not sounding too convincing. Wonshik frowned slightly.  
“Taekwoon-hyung”, he suddenly said, looking up at the older student. When Taekwoon didn’t say anything in response, Wonshik decided to carry on talking. Hakyeon had mentioned that Taekwoon didn’t talk much.  
“I was thinking that, if you want to, you could join us after school?”, he said and quickly looked at the others to see, if they were gonna protest. Since this wasn’t the case, he continued: “We’re just going to my house, so it isn’t really anything big”. Taekwoon looked at Hongbin, as if he was begging him to answer for him. So Hongbin gave him a big smile, showing off both of his dimples, to tell him, that he really wanted him to join them. Taekwoon looked back at Wonshik and gave him a silent nod.  
“Great!”, Wonshik said with a soft smile: “We’re meeting by the school entrance after class… which I’m sure Hakyeon would be more than happy to show you the way to”.


	3. Chapter 3

Taekwoon closed the door behind him, as he was the last person to enter the house. In front of him walked Hongbin, Hakyeon, Wonshik, Sanghyuk and Jaehwan who had all presented themselves on their way to Wonshiks house (even Wonshik and Hakyeon, whom Taekwoon had already briefly talked with). So far they all seemed nice, and Taekwoon could understand, why Hongbin had picked them as friends. Except maybe Sanghyuk, the youngest, who seemed a bit… odd. He didn’t really speak much when Taekwoon was around, and he kept avoiding getting eye contact with him. It was almost like he was afraid of Taekwoon.  
“Are any of you hungry”, Wonshik, who was walking in front of the group, asked and turned around, so that he was facing the others. Everyone politely declined his offer. Even Taekwoon, who was honestly beginning to feel a bit hungry, since he almost hadn’t had anything for lunch. But since he had only just met Wonshik today, he didn’t want to be a bother, by being the only one wanting food. That would be impolite.  
“Oppa, you’re home?”, a young female voice called, followed by the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs. Taekwoon looked up to see a young girl, who couldn’t be more than 14 years old, with black pageboy hair and dark brown eyes. By the end of the stairs, she finally noticed Wonshiks guests, and immediately stopped her running.  
“Annyeoung haseyo, Hakyeon-oppa, Jaehwan-oppa, Sanghyuk-oppa, Hongbin-oppa-“, she politely greeted each of them, bowing slightly in the direction of the person she was greeting, getting an ‘annyeoung haseyo’ back from each person. She suddenly stopped, when her eyes met Taekwoons. She immediately started blushing and looked down, incapable of looking him in the eyes. Taekwoon wondered why.  
“I-I’m sorry… but I don’t remember seeing you before?”, she stammered while her fingers nervously ran through her hair. Why was she this nervous all of a sudden?  
“My name is Jung Taekwoon, I just moved here from Busan”, he presented himself with a slight bow: “It’s nice to meet you”. The girl let go of her hair and gave Taekwoon a little smile, her cheeks still blushing bright red.  
“It’s also nice meeting you, Taekwoon-ssi”, she said with a little bow: “My name’s Kim Jiwon… I’m Wonshiks sister". Taekwoon had had a feeling, that Wonshik and Jiwon were related. They had the same sleepy eyes. She shifted her gaze from Taekwoon to her older brother.  
“I was going to ask you, if you could maybe help me with my math homework”, she said sounding a lot more comfortable now that she wasn’t talking with Taekwoon anymore. Wonshik was about to answer her request, when she quickly added: “But if you’re busy it can wait till later”.  
“I can also help you, if you need it Jiwonie”, Jaehwan said with a gentle voice, smoothly sliding in between Wonshik and Jiwon: “I’m pretty good at math”. Jiwon giggled and shook her head as she playfully pushed Jaehwans shoulder. She had gotten quiet used to him behaving like this, whenever she was around.  
“I’ll be fine with Wonshik-oppa”, she said patting Wonshik on the shoulder: “And I think it would be better, if you just went down in the basement, and did what you’re actually good at”. Taekwoon couldn’t help but frown at this comment. Jaehwan looked quiet disappointed, when Jiwon turned around, and walked back up the stairs. The boys were silent, until Jiwon was back in her room, and closed the door behind her.  
“Ahhh Jiwonie is so cute”, Jaehwan sighed resting his head on Wonshiks shoulder. Wonshik moved away with an irritated frown.  
“You pervert”, he mumbled walking towards the stars leading downstairs. The rest of the group followed him down, still with Taekwoon in the back.  
“You’ll have to give her up someday, Wonshik-ah”, Jaehwan said with a teasing smirk: “Jiwonie will soon be a grown-up woman and then she’ll need a man to take care of her”.   
“And when that time comes, I’ll do everything in my power, so that she doesn’t fall for you”, Wonshik said with a light laughter. Jaehwan was about to protest, when Sanghyuk spoke.  
“I thought we were gonna practice today?”, he said in an inquiring tone. He looked back at Taekwoon, but quickly looked forward again, too shy to look at him for long. As they spoke all of the boys finally got down in the basement (which seemed to be Wonshiks room). It was a quiet big room, even bigger than the Jung familys livingroom. The walls were decorated with posters of different rappers (mostly foreign) and Kpop groups. A black leather sofa was placed in the middle of the room in front of a small TV and Hakyeon immediately went over to sit in this. A desk was located in the other end of the room, with a laptop on it almost covered by all the notebooks and papers, which had been put on top of it.  
“I’m sure we can come up with something else to do”, Wonshik said and sat down by the desk. He quickly gathered the paper, and put it in a nice pile by the end of the desk.  
“Well… maybe Taekwoon could practice with us”, Hongbin suddenly suggested looking over at Taekwoon: “We used to play singing games together, when we were younger… Taekwoon-hyung was really good!”. Taekwoon frowned at him, not understanding what he was talking about. Jaehwan gave Hakyeon a displeased look.  
“But do we really need him”, he sighed and nodded towards Taekwoon: “I mean we’ve already got a main vocal and three supplying vocals”. Hakyeon shook his head at Jaehwans words. Talking like this to an older boy (who he had only just met) was pretty disrespectful.  
“You can never get too many vocals”, Hakyeon said while stretching out in Wonshiks sofa: “Besides, we don’t even know if Taekwoon-ah wanna be a part of this”. Jaehwan was about to talk again, but got cut off, when Taekwoon finally opened his mouth.  
“I’m very sorry… but I’m not sure if I understand, what you’re talking about”, he said, and looked to Hongbin for help. Hongbin was in the midst of walking over to join Hakyeon in the sofa, and didn’t even notice Taekwoons confused expression. Luckily, Wonshik did this, and finally explained.  
“Ah, sorry Taekwoon-ah, for a moment I forgot, that you haven’t been here before”, he said and got up from his chair to walk closer to Taekwoon: “Since I’m pretty decent at composing and rapping, Jaehwan and Hongbin are really good at singing and Hakyeon and Sanghyuk are good dancers-“.  
“Hey, we sing aswell!”, Hakyeon corrected Wonshik. Wonshik only shook his head, and carried on like he hadn’t heard anything: “We thought it would be fun to form a band – or probably more like a Kpop boy group… so we sometimes meet up here after school, to practice on some of the songs I’ve written”.  
“It was my idea”, Hakyeon added with a low voice, when it finally seemed like Wonshik was done explaining. Wonshik went over to the sofa and sat down on Hakyeons stomach.  
“I CANNOT BREATHE!!”, Hakyeon exclaimed dramatically trying to push Wonshik down from his body. But the younger boy was a lot stronger than him, and kept sitting on top of him.  
“You’re so noisy, Hakyeon-hyung”, he sighed, and decided to move from Hakyeon and instead sit down beside him: “I thought third year students were supposed to be mature and wise”. Hakyeon looked at Wonshik with the most bitchy face Taekwoon had ever seen.  
“Do you speak this impolitely to your other elders aswell?”, Hakyeon asked with a displeased voice. Wonshik was about to talk back at him, but Hongbin decided to interrupt them before all hell broke loose.  
“Do you wanna sing with us?”, he asked looking over at Taekwoon: “You can just get some of my parts, I’m not that good at the high notes anyway”. Taekwoon opened his mouth to answer, but quickly shut it again. It had been a long, long time since he had last singed, and he honestly didn’t feel like trying again. But the begging look in Hongbins eyes made him incapable of saying no.  
“I-I guess… I guess it won’t hurt to try”, he said with a slight stammer, not really believing his own words. The thought about singing in front of these people, that he barely knew, made his heart beat rapidly, making it hard for him to breath. He tried drying his sweaty palms in his pants, but it didn’t seem to do any difference. The big smile Hongbin gave him, showing off his dimples, made everything a bit better. A bit.  
“That’s great! We can try with a song you already know”, Hongbin suggested and looked at the others to get their approval. All of them gave a little nod in response. Even Jaehwan gave a reluctant nod. Hongbin looked back at Taekwoon.  
“What would you like to sing?”, he asked and bit his lip. Taekwoon scratches his neck, as if trying to buy some time. He wasn’t really into the newest music. The only thing he knew was-  
“Now And Forever?”, he said, sounding more like he was asking a question, than suggesting a song: “By Park Hyo Shin”. Hongbin gave Taekwoon and excited smile, looking like a little kid on Christmas.  
“That’s one of my favorite songs!”, he said, almost sounding like he was impressed by Taekwoons taste in music. Hongbin had been a huge fan of Park Hyo Shin for a long time, but he didn’t remember if he had started liking him before or after Taekwoon moved away. He looked over at Hakyeon, who had automatically become the leader of their group, due to him being the oldest out of the five.  
“I actually think we tried singing this one time before?”, he said while finding the lyrics on his phone, so that the other guys could help confirm if they had sung this before.

About half an hour went by, while the boys discussed how were gonna should split the text between them. Wonshik was very insecure about his singing, and even thought Hakyeon tried to convince him, that he was in fact really good, he decided not to sing this song.  
“I’ll save it for another time”, he said with a light chuckle, not being able to cover his disappointment of not being able to rap today. It had seemed like the logical solution to split Jaehwans part between him and Taekwoon, since Jaehwan was the one with the most parts. But he had refused to do so.   
“Well, having the most parts is the whole point of being the main vocal”, he snorted and returned to warming up his voice. So in the end Taekwoon got to sing the last part of the second verse, which was more than enough for him. Just the thought about speaking out loud near these boys made his heart beat at the spped of light. As he had done when they were younger, Hongbin had once again talked Taekwoon into something that he wasn’t comfortable with.  
Wonshik got a microphone from his closet, and handed it to Jaehwan. Taekwoon gave him a curious look, as he plugged the microphone to one of the speakers standing in his room. Wonshik gave him a crooked smile, that somehow seemed a bit sad.  
“My dad works a lot, so he does his best to buy me and my sisters love”, he explained, sounding like it was the most normal thing to do in the world: “I bought this on eBay!”. He sat down by his computer, and plugged it into the other speakers.   
“Jaehwan-hyung, is it working?”, he asked, looking over at Jaehwan. Jaehwan put the microphone up to his lips and took a deep breath.  
“JIWONIE I LOVE YOU”, he yelled into the mic confirming that it did indeed work very well. Hongbin quickly covered his sensitive ears with his hands. Jaehwan smiled at Wonshik like a child who knew he was in trouble. Wonshik mentally counted to ten.  
“Do you want to die?”, he asked the older boy, sounding alarmingly calm. Hakyeon gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder, though he wasn’t able to contain his laughter.  
“Are we gonna record today?”, Sanghyuk asked with a low voice from the sofa. Hakyeon looked thoughtful for a moment, before shaking his head.  
“No, the important thing today is for Taekwoon to try this out and see, if he wanna join our band”, he said and sent Taekwoon a comforting smile: “We can always record another day”. Sanghyuk gave a little nod in response.

Hongbin, Hakyeon, Jaehwan, Sanghyuk and Taekwoon finally assembled around the microphone, so that they could begin the practice. Getting through the first verse vent smoothly, and Sanghyuk and Hakyeon nailed the chorus together. But as they got closer to Taekwoons part, he felt like all air got sucked out of him. He was about miss his part, when a pat on his shoulder reminded him, that it was his turn.  
“Now I can rest my worries  
and always be sure”, he sang with his gentle voice, looking down at the ground:  
“That I won't be alone anymore”, he took a quick look up from the floor, to look at the others and see how he was doing.   
“If I'd only known you  
were there all the time”, the other boys looked at him, like they had seen a ghost. Taekwoon freaked out. Was he really that bad? His heart started racing fast again, and his voice started shaking uncontrollably. That was when everything fell apart:  
“All this time”, at the high note Taekwoons voice cracked, and he almost dropped the microphone in embarrassment. Wonshik turned off the music and got up from his chair. Taekwoon took a step back with his eyes wide open nervously looking from side to side. He knew he shouldn’t have tried. He knew he would fail. He always failed at everything. Why did he have to be so stupid?!  
“Are you okay, Taekwoon-hyung?”, Hongbin asked with a worried frown, looking at his friend, who looked like he was panicking. Taekwoon slowly both nodded and shook his head at the same time, and was about to answer Hongbin, when he got cut off by Jaehwans voice.  
“All this time”, he sang, hitting the high note perfectly, and gave Taekwoon a crooked smile that came out far more patronizing than it was meant to. Taekwoon quickly handed Hongbin the microphone. Hongbin could clearly feel how much he was shaking. He reached out to grab his arm, but Taekwoon walked towards the stairs.  
“Wait Taekwoon-ah it’s okay, where are you going?”, Hakyeon asked, quickly following Taekwoon and put his hand on his shoulder. Taekwoon shook his head, trying to come up with an excuse for leaving early.  
“I-I’m sorry… I j-just remembered that I-I promised my mom to pick up some groceries”, he stammered taking a step back up the stairs. Hongbin instantly knew that he was lying. But Taekwoon already seemed completely out of it, and Hongbin didn’t want to make it worse.  
“Well I guess I’ll see you in school tomorrow then”, Hakyeon said, disappointed that Taekwoon had to leave already. Taekwoon just nodded and stumbled up the stairs, leaving the other boys in silence. After hearing the front door slam behind Taekwoon, Wonshik let out a deep sigh.  
“For Gods sake, Jaehwan…”, he mumbled, receiving a confused: “What?”, from Jaehwan. Hakyeon looked over at Hongbin.  
“That was…”, he said, unable to finish his sentence. Sanghyuk helped him by adding an: “Amazing”. Hakyeon nodded to confirm that that was exactly what he meant.  
“He was really good”, even Jaehwan admitted: “It was a shame his voice cracked… but that happens to the best of us… He just needed to take a deeper breath”.  
“We have to get him in the group… his voice is just what we need”, Hakyeon said looking at Hongbin, as if he was in charge of the “Taekwoon department”. Hongbin nodded. He aswell really wished for Taekwoon to join their group. But he feared, that they might had scared him away.


	4. Chapter 4

It had been a few weeks since Taekwoon had moved to Seoul and so far, he had spent every day after school with Hongbin, Wonshik, Hakyeon, Jaehwan and Sanghyuk. In the beginning, he had only done it, to be with Hongbin. But as time had passed and as he had gotten to know the other better, he had honestly gotten quiet fond of them all. Especially he had gotten close with Hakyeon, who was the same age as him, and Wonshik who was interested in soccer as well as him. Even Sanghyuk, who almost hadn’t dared to talk to Taekwoon the first couple of days, now seemed to feel more comfortable around the older boy. After he had made it clear, that he didn’t want to join their band as the second main vocal, it seemed like Jaehwan had gotten a little nicer to him. Hongbin had of course been sad, that Taekwoon didn’t want to join the band, fearing that he would have to end it with the band, if he wanted to get close to Taekwoon again. But Taekwoon had assured him, that he didn’t mind that they spend so much time on the band. Frankly he enjoyed listening to them, when they were practicing their songs. Especially because of the big smile, that always came on Hongbin’s lips, when he was singing with his friends.   
“Taekwoon-ah, it’s good to see you!”, Hakyeon greeted Taekwoon when he opened the front door to his home: “The others are already here”. Taekwoon could hear the slight sound of loud talking and some videogame coming from another room in the house. Especially he noticed Hongbin’s laughter cutting through, making his heart flutter slightly.  
“I’m glad you would have me here”, Taekwoon said with a soft voice bowing slightly before looking up at Hakyeon again with a sad look on his face: “Unfortunately I forgot my sleeping bag in Busan… so I won’t be able to spend the night”. Hakyeon looked at him for a few moments with a thoughtful expression, before he cracked into a big smile.   
“Oh don’t worry about it, I’m sure we have something you can borrow”, Hakyeon said moving away from the entrance, so that Taekwoon could get inside: “It would be a shame if you had to leave early”. Taekwoon gave him a little thankful smile.  
“Thank you very much… I would appreciate that”, he said and finally went inside. He had only brought a small bagpack with him, since he hadn’t thought, that he was gonna stay there for long.   
“Come, I’ll show you where you’re gonna sleep”, Hakyeon said and began walking up the stairs. But Taekwoon didn’t follow. The pictures hanging on the wall had caught his attention. Family photos. A picture of a young couple looking at each other with nothing but love in their eyes. A picture of a young boy sitting with a baby in his lap. A picture of two girls playing with dolls together. The newest picture Taekwoon spotted was a photo of Hakyeon standing with a young man and two young women. They looked like, they were related. They were all wearing hanboks and smiled at the camera, like they didn’t have a care in the world.  
Taekwoon had always loved these kind of pictures. Funny, memorable, perfect moments immortalized. They had used to take a lot of pictures in his family as well. Pictures at birthdays. Pictures at parties. Pictures at holidays. Sometimes, even pictures at such ordinary events as breakfast. But it stopped after they moved to Busan. In the beginning, they had carried on photographing all the big events. But slowly they had started to take fewer and fewer pictures, until they had stopped completely. There hadn’t been any moments worth remembering.  
“Taekwoon-ah, are you coming?”, Hakyeon called back at Taekwoon, which finally made him follow up the stairs.  
“Do you have any siblings?”, Taekwoon asked with a curious voice, when he finally reached Hakyeon by the top of the stairs. Hakyeon nodded as a response.  
“Yeah, my oldest brother is 14 years older than me and my sisters are 12 and 4 years older than me”, Hakyeon explained while walking down the hall: “So I’m the only one who still lives at home”. Taekwoon couldn’t imagine what it would feel like, to be the only child living at home. He had three older sisters, the youngest being only one year older than him, and the oldest having talked about moving out for almost two years now. Most of the time they were extremely noisy, often arguing with each other about everything and nothing. They could be a true pain in the arse. But still he would rather have them in the house, than being alone with his parents.  
“We’re borrowing their old beedrooms this weekend”, Hakyeon said and stopped by the door at the end of the hall: “There’s no room in the house, that is big enough for all of us to sleep there, so we’re sleeping in pairs in the bedrooms”. Taekwoon gave a slight nod to tell, that he understood.   
“Wonshik-ah and I are sharing my room”, he said and pointed at the door next to the one they were standing by: “And Hongbin-ah wanted to share room with you, so Sanghyuk-ah and Jaehwan-ah are sleeping in the room there”. Once again Hakyeon pointed to the room that he was talking about, but Taekwoon now only listened with half an ear. The thought about getting to sleep with Hongbin alone, made his heart beat faster than it should. Lately, Hongbin had made Taekwoon feel a lot of things, that he didn’t even understand himself.  
“You can just put your stuff in here, I’ll find a duvet later”, Hakyeon said opening the door to the bedroom. A sleeping pad and a sleeping bag had already been put on the floor, and Taekwoon immediately recognized Hongbins bagpack, which was placed beside the pad. Gently, Taekwoon placed his bag beside Hongbins stuff.  
“Well then, let’s go join the others”, Hakyeon said and grabbed Taekwoon by the arm, as he with a smirk said: “I bet I can kick your arse in Mario Cart!”.  
***  
“You’ve got to be joking”, Wonshik said with his brows raised in disbelief. The confirming nod Hakyeon gave him as an answer, made him let out a deep sight. The two of them were sitting on a huge beanbag on the floor in the livingroom. Jaehwan, Hongbin and Taekwoon was sitting on the couch, with Jaehwan in the middle. Sanghyuk had decided, that sitting up was too much of an effort, and had laid down on the woodened floor with a pillow under his head.   
“Come on it’ll be fun!”, Hakyeon said in an excited tone: “My sisters used to play it with their friends at sleepovers”.  
“Isn’t it a bit… childish?”, Wonshik asked the others, not sounding too convinced. Taekwoon shrugged, and Hakyeon shook his head.  
“No it isn’t! Not if I dare you to lick the toilet seat”, the last part Hakyeon muttered under his breath.   
“Will you quit your whining for the rest of the night, if we do it?”, Wonshik asked. Hakyeon nodded in response and lightly punched Wonshiks shoulder in excitement.  
“But we’ve got a problem”, Hongbin suddenly said, making both of the older boys look up at him. He nodded towards Sanghyuk.  
“Sanghyuk-ah is falling asleep”, he said with a slight giggle. They all looked down on the youngest, who indeed seemed to had fallen asleep. To wake him up, Jaehwan placed his foot on Sanghyuks face. He rolled over with an irritated groan.  
“Hyung, you are being unpleasant”, he mumbled, making all of the other boys laugh.

“- and there was just lipbalm everywhere!”, Hakyeon finished off telling about the most embarrassing moment he had experienced. Wonshik looked at Hakyeon like he didn’t believe him. He had never imagined that stuff like this could happen in real life!  
“I feel embarrassed about knowing you now”, Sanghyuk said and shook his head. Hakyeons cheeks were beginning to get pretty red, and before anyone else could say anything more about this, he quickly asked: “Taekwoon-ah, truth or dare?”.  
“Truth”, Taekwoon said without hesitation. After he had been dared to yell out of the window (and failed miserably, not wanting to raise his voice) he had decided not to choose dare again, in this game. Hakyeon looked thoughtful for a moment before he looking back at Taekwoon.  
“Why did you move back to Seoul?”, he asked in a curious tone. Jaehwan frowned.  
“Isn’t that a rather boring question?”, he asked looking over at Hakyeon.  
“It’s a good question!”, Hakyeon exclaimed. He cleared his throat and carried on: “I don’t think Taekwoon-ah has ever told us”. Taekwoon bit his lip and lowered his gaze to the floor. The room was completely silent for a moment, while Taekwoon figured out how to tell the reason nicely without lying.  
“My mom got pretty sick while we were in Busan”, he said with a tiny voice, his eyes fixed at the floor: “And… a lot of stuff happened… so when my dad got a job offer in Seoul, we decided that it would probably be better, if we moved back”. The other boys quickly got very quiet. Taekwoons eyes were still fixed on the floor, until Hakyeon broke the silence.  
“I’m sorry to hear”, he said, but Taekwoon shook his head, and gave them a comforting smile.  
“It’s alright… she’s okay now, so there’s nothing to be sorry about”, he said and nodded slightly: “And it’s good to be back”. He had never really liked Busan anyway.   
“And it’s good to have you back”, Hongbin said leaning slightly forward so that he could get eye contact with Taekwoon. He gave him a crooked smile, showing the dimple in his left cheek. The other boys nodded, agreeing with Hongbin, and Taekwoon couldn’t help but smile. A real smile this time.  
“Truth or dare, Sanghyuk”, Taekwoon asked, wanting to continue the game. The other boys had gotten awfully quiet after he had talked about his mom. So Taekwoon thought it was time to continue the game to lighten up the mood.  
“Truth”, Sanghyuk answered and looked up at the older boy. Taekwoon looked thoughtful for a moment. He wasn’t good at making up truth-questions… or dares for that matter. He didn’t recall ever playing this game before, and that was probably the source of it. He looked over at Hongbin for help, but remembered, that he had to come up with the question himself. That was the point of the game.  
“If God granted you one wish, what would you wish for?”, he finally asked and leaned back into the sofa. Now Sanghyuk turned silent and thoughtfully stared into the distance for a slight moment. But quickly after he turned his head to look at Hakyeon with a little smirk.  
“I’m not sure Hakyeon will like it”, Sanghyuk said with a light giggle. Hakyeon sighed and exclaimed: “Just say it!”. Sanghyuk covered his face with his pillow and quickly yelled: “I WISH GOD WOULD MAKE HAKYEON A MUTE”. Hakyeon was about to jump down on Sanghyuk, but Wonshik quickly grabbed his shoulder.  
“He’s only a child! You cannot harm him!”, Wonshik laughed, not able to contain his laughter. Everybody else in the room, including Sanghyuk who was behind all this mess, was laughing. Even Taekwoon hadn’t been able to hold back his laughter. And it just got worse, when Hakyeon finally got out of Wonshiks grip, by pushing him down on the floor. This move backfired slightly, when Wonshik pulled him down from the sofa as well, so that Hakyeon landed on top of him. Wonshik got all air punched out of him, which gave Hakyeon the perfect opportunity to attack Sanghyuk.  
“You little”, he muttered and jumped over at Sanghyuk, who unfortunately hadn’t managed to escape in the main time. He was laughing too hard. Hakyeon repeatedly hit Sanghyuk in the neck with the side of his hand. Not too hard (since after all his intention wasn’t really to hurt the younger boy badly) but hard enough for him to get the message, that he shouldn’t mess with his older friends.  
“Wonshik-ah, are you alright?”, Hakyeon asked, when he had moved away from Sanghyuk and crawled back to the one he had pushed down on the floor. But Wonshik didn’t reply.  
“Seriously Wonshik-ah, are you hurt?”, Hakyeon asked in a nervous tone. He crawled closer to Wonshik, but was cut off, when suddenly Wonshik got up and jumped towards him.  
“YOU’RE GONNE REGRET THAT”, he yelled and pushed Hakyeon down. Unfortunately he tripped and once again landed on top of Hakyeon. They stared intensely at each other for a few moments, waiting for the other too make the first move, when both of them cracked up laughing.  
Hongbin shook his head with a little smile on his lips. He sometimes wondered, how he had ever ended up befriending these dorks. He still didn’t remember, but he surely was glad, that he was lucky enough to have these exact people as his friends.   
***

Taekwoon turned around, so that he could see Hongbin. He quickly noticed, that the younger boy was shaking like a leaf. After Wonshik for the third time had fallen asleep while they were playing Mario, the boys had decided to go to bed.   
“Are you alright?”, Taekwoon asked in a worried tone. Hongbin looked over at him, and gave him a little smile.  
“I’m alright, don’t worry”, he answered with a light chuckle: “This sleeping bag is just really, really cold!”. Taekwoon bit his lip with a little smile. He was feeling quiet good after winning three races in Mario Cart in a row, and therefore didn’t even notice his own words, when he in a playful voice said: “Well if you’re cold, you can just come share my duvet… it’s pretty warm”. He had borrowed an air mattress fit for two people (since it had been the only one Hakyeon could find) and a big, heavy duvet. It was much more than Taekwoon needed. After all he had spend nights on benches in the park and on bathroom floors with not even a blanket to cover him. He wasn’t going to complain though. He liked this a lot better than a cold, hard bench in the park.  
Hongbin laughed slightly and got up from his sleeping pad. Taekwoon flustered lowered his gaze when he saw, that Hongbin was only wearing a loose T-shirt and a pair of flannel boxers. Taekwoon, who hadn’t brought any spare clothes, were sleeping in his jeans and tanktop (the only thing he had taken off was his cardigan). But what made Taekwoons ears turn red, didn’t seem to face the other boy. He had never really been shy about his body.  
“Are you sure about that offer”, Hongbin said with a teasing smirk walking a step closer to Taekwoon, with his hands placed on his hips: “I could be a dangerous, psychotic killer”. Very carefully Taekwoon looked up from the floor, getting eye contact with Hongbin. The only light in the bedroom came from the windows, which let the moonlight shine into the room. The light made Hongbins eyes sparkle in a way, that eyes normally only did in cliché romance movies. It took Taekwoons breath away. He quickly tried shaking this fluttering feeling off and gave Hongbin a cheeky smile in response to his words.  
“You? A psychotic killer?”, he let out a light chuckle: “The number one flower boy of Seoul? I bet it would be more dangerous sleeping with a teddybear!”. The room was silent for a moment, before all hell broke loose. With a roar Hongbin jumped down on Taekwoon, punching all air out of him.  
“I’M GONNA MAKE YOU WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN!”, Hongbin yelled with his hands placed on Taekwoons shoulders. His attempt at sounding intimidating completely backfired, when he couldn’t stop himself from laughing. Taekwoon didn’t say anything. The sound of his rapidly beating heart filled his ears, and he feared for a moment, that Hongbin would be able to hear it. Hongbin tilted his head slightly to the side.  
“Are you alright Taekwoon-hyung?”, he asked sounding slightly worried: “You feel pretty hot”. Taekwoon bit his lip and forced himself to take his eyes off the other boy. Only that would make his heart stop beating so fast. He quickly put on a smirk, so Hongbin wouldn’t be worried.  
“I’m only hot because you’re forcing this duvet down on me”, Taekwoon said with the loudest voice, Hongbin had ever heard him use. He was about to talk, but got cut off, Taekwoon suddenly turned around, resulting in Hongbin flopping down on the other half of the air mattress. And as if this wasn’t enough, Taekwoon fell off the air matrass, when Hongbin landed. Hongbin burst into laughter.  
“You little-“, Taekwoon mumbled crawling back up at the matrass: “Now I’m the one who’s gonna make you wish, that you were never born”. He grabbed Hongbins arms and crawled on top of him, making him both shriek and laugh in surprise. Just as Taekwoon was about to “make Hongbin wish he was never born”, they were stopped by a loud knock on the door. Taekwoon quickly moved away from Hongbin, realizing how inappropriate this position looked. An annoyed-looking Hakyeon entered the room.  
“Aigo, first I have to put up with Wonshik-ah’s snoring and now you two”, he sighed with his arms crossed: “If you’re gonna molest each other, can’t you at least do it a little quiet? If you haven’t noticed, it’s four in the morning”. Hongbin couldn’t help but laugh at Hakyeons comment, but quickly stopped again, not wanting to piss off their host.  
“We’re sorry, Hakyeon-hyung”, Hongbin apologized: “I promise we’ll keep quiet, so that you can get your beauty sleep”. Hakyeon was too tired to answer him, and just let out a quiet groan, before returning to his own room, leaving Taekwoon and Hongbin alone.  
“Scoot over a bit”, Hongbin mumbled making himself more comfortable on the air matrass. Taekwoon was about to protest against it. He didn’t feel comfortable sleeping next to Hongbin when he weren’t wearing anything other than a T-shirt and boxers. But when their arms accidentally touched, and he felt how cold Hongbin actually was, he couldn’t get himself to say no. So he accepted his fate and moved a little to the right. Luckily it was a quiet big duvet, and there was plenty of room for both of them.  
“Goodnight Taekwoon-hyung”, Hongbin mumbled, half asleep already. He turned so he laid on his side, facing Taekwoon.   
“Goodnight Hongbin-ah”, Taekwoon whispered back. Not much time went by, before Taekwoon could hear the sound of Hongbins heavy breathing indicating he was asleep. Taekwoon on the other hand wasn’t able to sleep. The sound of Hongbins breathing filled his head and made his heart beat rapidly once again. Slowly he turned his head, just to get a quick peak at the boy by his side. He looked so peaceful when he was asleep. Taekwoon smiled a little.


	5. Chapter 5

“Am I the only one?”. Taekwoon responded Hongbins question with a little nod. The two of them were standing next to the soccer goal which was located in the end of the soccer field behind the school.  
“None of the others were free unfortunately”, Taekwoon said, almost sounding like he was apologizing. Hongbin nodded his head.   
“It’s fine, I can help you practice, if you want me to”, Hongbin said with a big smile, that made Taekwoons heart flutter. He bit his lip, forcing himself not to smile back at Hongbin. As he felt now, he feared that his smile would come out far more stupid and ugly than it usually did. He hated that Hongbin made him feel like this. But at the same time, it was hard not to smile back, when the younger boy looked up at him with his big brown puppy eyes.  
It wasn’t long ago, that Taekwoon had seen, that the school soccer team was looking for new team members. As soon as he had seen the poster on the way to a math class, he had known, that he needed to get on the team. Playing soccer was one of his favorite things in the world, and he had in fact played for the team at his old school in Busan. That was probably one of the only things he missed from Busan. Also he hoped, that getting out and being with other people would help him forget all the mess there had been in his head lately.  
When he had told the others about his plans, to join the soccer team, all of them had of course supported him. Though, Wonshik had been a bit worried.  
“I’m not sure if they’ll accept you on the team”, he had said with a little frown, which had made the others look confused at him: “I mean… since you’re new and all, I don’t recall that the team have ever accepted someone who had attended another school”.  
But Hakyeon had quickly cut off Wonshiks demotivating speech by saying that at least giving it a try wouldn’t hurt. The others had agreed with him on that.  
This morning Taekwoon had asked his friends, if they would like to help him practice before the audition the next Monday. But soon Taekwoon had received text messages from all his friends saying the same thing:  
HAKYEON: Sowwy Taekwoon-ah :3~ Trip with the family ^w^ <3  
WONSHIK: I’m sick… hope we can play another time!  
SANGHYUK: I’m at Sungjaes, sorry hyung >_<  
JAEHWAN: Ain’t nobody got time for that! Also I’m at rehearsal at the musical... maybe another time (y)  
None of them had been able to come. And just as Taekwoon had been about to go to the soccer field by himself, he had received another message:  
HONGBIN: Of course! See you later <3  
It hadn’t been much. In fact only five words, an exclamation mark, a ‘lesser than’-sign and the number three. But it still had been enough for Taekwoon to hurry back to his room, and reconsider his choice of clothing. 

“I’m sorry for getting you into this”, Taekwoon apologized lowering his gaze. They sunny sky had suddenly changed on their way to the school, and they were now both soaking wet from the rain. As if that wasn’t enough, the soccer field had of course become soaked as well, meaning Hongbin and Taekwoon were doomed to get mud on their clothes. Hongbin shook his head and smiled at Taekwoon.  
“Don’t be sorry”, he said and chuckled lightly: “I chose to be here myself”. Taekwoon was about to apologize once again for asking him to come (since Hongbin obviously wouldn’t have chosen to come here, if he hadn’t asked him) but Hongbin quickly got him off: “So… what are we gonna do? I don’t think I’ve ever played soccer before”. Taekwoon used a couple of minutes explaining the basic rules of soccer, and after that explaining, what they were gonna do. Putting it simply: They were gonna take turns on having to get the soccer ball from the other, not counting goals the goals.  
The practice started out pretty well. To put it nicely, Hongbin wasn’t good at playing soccer. In the beginning Taekwoon barely noticed, as he was too busy taking the ball from Hongbin, and dribble across the field, Hongbin not having a chance to get it back. But as soon as he saw Hongbins frustrated expression, he decided to go a little lighter on him, not giving everything that he had. The game went on smoothly, and Hongbin gained more and more confidence, until he for the first time got the ball from Taekwoon. At first he thought, that it was because Hongbin had caught him off guard. But as Hongbin continuously got the ball from Taekwoon (and even managed to get a goal) Taekwoon started to get really annoyed at him. Taekwoon had always been very competitive person, and had never lost a soccer match. He definitely wasn’t going to lose to this guy.  
So the next time Hongbin ran past him with the ball, Taekwoon speeded up, and slid in, in front of Hongbin to get the ball from him.   
Well… to put it nicely: it didn’t quiet go as planned.   
Taekwoon slipped in the wet grass, and landed on his bum. Hongbin didn’t manage to jump away in time, and fell over Taekwoons legs. He landed on the ground with his face in the muddy grass. Taekwoon quickly got up, and ran over to his friend.  
“I am so sorry”, he said sounding really worried: “Are you alright?”. Hongbin rolled over with a slight groan so that he was lying on his back. He had gotten mud all over his clothes and cheeks. Taekwoon would probably have found it cute, if it wasn’t because the boy looked like, he was in pain. Taekwoon kneeled down beside him. He was once again about to ask Hongbin, if he was alright, but was quickly cut off, when Hongbin grabbed him by the wrist, and dragged him down in the mud with him. Taekwoon landed on his stomach, and managed to splash some of the muddy water up in his face. Hongbin started laughing with his hands on his stomach.  
“You gave me a heart attack!”, Taekwoon sighed annoyed, but at the same time relieved that Hongbin was alright. Hongbin lightly punched Taekwoons shoulder with his fist.  
“You started it”, Hongbin said still laughing. Taekwoon rolled over, so that he was laying on his back beside Hongbin. He turned his head, and saw those stupid dimples clearer than ever in Hongbins cheeks. When Hongbin was finally done laughing, he turned his face aswell, so that he was looking at Hongbin. Their noses was only few inches away from touching. Hongbin smiled at Taekwoon.  
“You’re really good, Taekwoon”, he complimented the older boy: “If you just play like that on Monday, I’m sure you’ll accept you on the team”. Taekwoon couldn’t help but smiling slightly.  
“There it is”, Hongbin said with a lowered voice: “You should really smile some more, Taekwoon-hyung”. Taekwoon frowned slightly.  
“Why?”, Taekwoon asked, not understanding why anyone who want him to smile more than necessary.   
“You rarely smile, expect when we are together… and I think that’s a shame”, Hongbin said with his eyes focused on Taekwoon: “Your smile is really nice… other people deserve to experience it aswell”. Taekwoon bit his lip and lowered his gaze to Hongbins lips. He was so close to him, Taekwoon could almost feel his warm breath. He wanted to answer Hongbin. He wanted to thank him for his words. He wanted to tell him, that his smile, was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He wanted to tell him, that he wanted nothing more in the world, than to be lucky enough, to see his smile every day. He wanted so badly to…  
Something was definitely wrong with him.


	6. Chapter 6

The captain of the soccer team had been blown away by Taekwoons audition. ‘This boy is going places’ he had thought to himself, when the new student had gotten his fourth goal in a row, without any of the other members being able to get the ball from him. So of course he had accepted Taekwoon on the team at the speed of light. In the beginning the other team members had been slightly frightened by Taekwoons cold appearance, but quickly they had gotten used to his rather quiet personality, and he had become a part of their little “soccer family” (Jaehwan enjoyed referring to them as ‘The Sucker Family’).   
Of course Taekwoon had no intention of becoming one of those stereotypical sports-hunks, who had practically banged every girl in the school and who was never seen without the rest of the team. He still hung out with Hongbin, Wonshik, Hakyeon, Sanghyuk and Jaehwan as much as possible when he didn’t have practice. And to show their support, the others made sure to come watch every soccer game, that Taekwoon participated in (they also came because soccer was one of the few things that could make Taekwoon raise his voice).   
“Congrats! You did amazing hyung!”, Hongbin praised Taekwoon. The team had just played their fourth match, and as soon as the game had ended, Hongbin had run down to his friend on the field. The others had wanted to join him, but for some reason Wonshik had insisted, that they should wait a bit. He always did this after a game. Hongbin didn’t really understand why, but Taekwoon was grateful for these few minutes (almost) alone with Hongbin.  
“Thank you”, Taekwoon thanked him and bowed his head slightly. Like all other games, they had won this as well. Taekwoon had scored the final goal that made the team win, so every time one of the other players passed him, they gave him a light punch in the shoulder and an “Awesome job out there, Jung!”. Taekwoon was almost completely red from all the praise and lowered his head to hide it from Hongbin. But Hongbin was looking at something completely else. He had noticed a girl not far from them. Seo Juhyun he believed she was called. She was biting her lip and kept running her hands through her long brown hair, with her eyes fixed on Taekwoon. Hongbin looked back at Taekwoon, who was still looking down at the ground with blushing cheeks. Hongbins face lit up in a smile.  
“Are you-“, he said looking over at Juhyun, and after that quickly looking back at Taekwoon. Taekwoon frowned slightly and looked in the same direction as Hongbin had just done. It wasn’t until now that he noticed the girl standing not far from then. When their gazes met, she quickly looked down, and hurried off the soccer field.  
“Oh my god, why haven’t you said anything”, Hongbin chuckled and lightly hit Taekwoons shoulder: “You’re totally chrushing on Juhyun-noona!”. Taekwoon was about to ask him, who he was talking about, but quickly figured, that it probably was the girl from before, that he was talking about. He wanted to say, that he was indeed not having any feelings for this girl (since he didn’t know her at all) but something kept him from it. He stood still and watched Hongbin, who was looking like he had cracked the code to the universe.  
“It explains everything!”, Hongbin exclaimed. He felt that Taekwoon had acted very weird the last couple of weeks, and Taekwoon having a chrush on a girl would be the only logical answer to why he had been like that  
“You’ve got to ask her out!”, Hongbin carried on his speech. Finally it was like Taekwoon regained his ability to speak.  
“I can’t”, he quickly said, making Hongbin frown confused at him.  
“Why?”  
“Because-“, Taekwoon was about to explain, by suddenly stopped. ‘Because I don’t like her’ he wanted to say. But again something kept him from it. Hongbin looked so excited, and he didn’t want that to go away. So instead he said: “I don’t know how to”.  
“Get your stuff gathered quickly”, Hongbin said and took a step back, starting to walk back towards the others: “I will teach you... we’ve got no time to waste!”. With that he turned his back at Taekwoon and walked back up the stairs towards the others.   
***  
“You should tell her, why you like her”, Hongbin said with a little nod, as to confirm his own words: “People like that”. He spoke as if he had lots of experience with asking people out. But the truth was, that in his 16 years of living, he had never asked anyone out. The only experience he had, was from romantic dramas.   
“Well… she’s pretty”, Taekwoon said while stirring his latte: “And I guess her hair is pretty nice as well”. They were sitting together by a table at Taekwoons favorite café. Hongbin shook his head.  
“You’re really bad at this”, he sighed while pulling his chair a little closer to Taekwoon, making Taekwoon finally look up from his coffee.   
“I’ll show you what you’re gonna do”, Hongbin said and put his hands on the table: “Let’s pretend that I’m you, and that you’re Juhyun-noona”. Hongbin liked acting and had multiple times helped Jaehwan rehearse for his drama club.  
“Juhyun-ah…”, Hongbin said with a gentle voice and smiled slightly at Taekwoon. He sounded like he was genuinely nervous: “I’ve liked you for a long time and… and I was wondering, if you would like to go out with me?”. He sat leaned back in his seat and took a sip of his coffee.   
“Now, you try”, Hongbin said and nodded towards Taekwoon: “I’m Juhyun, confess your love to me”. Taekwoon shook his head. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know Juhyun at all, and so he didn’t now what he liked about her. But when he looked up and saw Hongbins smiling face, it was as if the words came to him.  
“You are the first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep”, Taekwoon said with a light voice, his eyes focused at Hongbin: “You’re more beautiful than all of the songs in the world, and whenever I’m with you, you take my breath away. I can’t believe, that I am lucky enough to be met by your smile, whenever I feel down and feel like everything is meaningless. You give me meaning. And even though you make my knees weak, make me unable to speak properly and make my head a giant mess I love every second of being together with you. I think… I might be in love with you”. Hongbin looked at him with his eyes widened.  
“Oh my…”, he mumbled and shook his head, before returning to smile at Taekwoon: “That was AMAZING! That is exactly what you’re gonna tell her”. He chuckled slightly and patted Taekwoons shoulder: “My job here is done… have you considered joining the dramaclub?”. Taekwoon gave him a little smile, trying to hide his own chock over, what he had just admitted.   
***  
“She’s right there!”, Hongbin suddenly exclaimed, while him and Taekwoon was walking to the cafeteria at the school. Taekwoon looked up, and saw Juhyun standing by her locker in the other end of the hall.   
“You should go ask her”, Hongbin said and tried pushing his friend in the girls direction. But Taekwoon resisted, and stood still where he was. He was not at all ready to admit his love to a girl he had never spoken with before.   
“Don’t be nervous! Do it for the team, do it for me!”, Hongbin chuckled. The final phrase finally got Taekwoon too move. First one small step. Then one more, and before he even knew it he was standing in front of Juhyun.   
“Juhyun-ah…”, Taekwoon said with a gentle voice when he reached the lockers. Juhyun was startled by the sudden voice, and accidently dropped her books on the floor. Her face immediately turned red, as she kneeled down to pick up her books.  
“Sorry Taekwoon-oppa!”, she apologized while gathering her books. Taekwoon shook his head and bend down to help her get her books. She got up from the floor after getting the books, and looked up at Taekwoon, who were holding some of her books.   
“Did you want to say something?”, she asked with a nervous voice. Taekwoon bit his lips, trying to figure out what to say. After a while he gave up, and sighed deeply. He quickly looked back to assure, that Hongbin was still waiting in the other side of the hall. Hongbin gave him a thumbs up to encourage him, to ask Juhyun. Taekwoon looked back at her.  
“I am really sorry”, he apologized and bowed lightly. Juhyun frowned, and confused asked: “For what?”.  
“I was gonna ask you, if you would go out with me… but I can’t”, Taekwoon explained with his eyes fixed on Juhyun. Even more confused and with a slightly shaking voice she asked: “Why?”.  
“There is a person, whom I’ve liked for a long time”, Taekwoon said looking over at Hongbin, who was pretending he wasn’t watching Taekwoon and Juhyun like a creepy stalker: “I’ve just been too stupid to realize it”. Juhyun turned her head to see what Taekwoon was looking at. Hongbin quickly turned around, pretending to be very fascinated by the plant behind him.  
“I am honestly very very sorry but I do not want to lie to you”, Taekwoon said and lowered his gaze to the floor. Juhyun bit her lip, trying to hide her disappointment of Taekwoon not having the same feelings for her, as she had for him. Taekwoon felt horrible. It was the second time he let a girl down, that other boys would sell their grandmother to get. But that was also why he had to let her down. She deserved someone who loved her with all of his heart. Someone who wasn’t a complete mess.  
“It’s alright”, Juhyun said even though not looking alright at all. She reached out, and gently caressed his arm. For once Taekwoon didn’t pull back. He looked up at her, and clearly saw tears in her eyes. A single tear escaped her eye, and rolled down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away, before retrieving her books from his arms.  
“I hope you’ll be happy”, she said: “I hope he realize how lucky he is”. Another tear rolled down her cheek, but since her hands were full of books, she couldn’t wipe it away.   
“I hope you’ll find someone else to love”, Taekwoon said with such a low voice, that only Juhyun was able to hear it: “You of all people deserve to have someone who love you unconditionally”. Juhyun nodded slightly before turning her back at Taekwoon, to walk away from him. But right before she went off, Taekwoon spoke to her again.  
“Juhyun?”, he called, making her turn her head: “I was wondering if you would like to hang out some time? You know… as friends”. Juhyun looked thoughtful for a moment, before biting her lip and shaking her head.   
“I’m sorry Taekwoon… I don’t think I would be able to do that”, she apologized when suddenly her voice cracked. She bowed her head towards Taekwoon before quickly rushing to the girls bathroom. Taekwoon didn’t move an inch.   
This was how it always was with love. One was bound to be hurt in a situation like this. Taekwoon looked over at Hongbin. He didn’t want it to end like this with Hongbin.  
This time it would have to be different.


	7. Chapter 7

The chocolate brown hair danced around her head as she with a smile shook her head. The young man sitting in front of her, looking like he was taken right out of a dream, talked, making the girl laugh once again. Taekwoon could hear her stupid laughter even though her and Hongbin were sitting three tables away from him. He quickly lowered his gaze. The sight of the two made him turn cold inside.  
“Are you alright Taekwoon?”, Hakyeon asked with a worried frown. Taekwoon had been staring into the distance during the whole lunch break. He hadn’t even commented it, when Jaehwan had stolen his chocolate muffin. Hakyeon hadn’t had time to scold Jaehwan, since him and Sanghyuk had taken off to entertain a group of 1. year girls with one of their many gags. Hongbin was sitting not far from them with Hyeri, a girl from his English class, so Wonshik, Hakyeon and Taekwoon was eating lunch together.   
“Who is she?”, Taekwoon mumbled with a lowered voice, and nodded towards Hyeri. In the same second she turned her head in their direction, and Taekwoon quickly bowed his head. Hakyeon had just stuffed his face with food, so Wonshik decided to explain for him. He hated when Hakyeon spoke with his mouth full.  
“Her name’s Lee Hyeri”, he said looking over at Hyeri: “She’s very quiet and is mostly found in the library… but I’ve heard, that she’s quiet fun once you get to know her”. Taekwoon snorted. He couldn’t believe Hongbin would rather spend lunch with her, than with him-... with his friends.  
“Hyeri-yah is really pretty”, Hakyeon added, when he had finally swallowed his food: “And she’s really smart as well… I heard she started school a year earlier than other kids”. Wonshik nodded and further added: “I bet every boy in this school would wish to go out with her”. Hakyeon shrugged.  
“Well… if you’re into that sort of thing at least”, he mumbled and quickly stuffed his face with more food. Taekwoon sighed. Unfortunately they were right. Hyeri was really pretty. She was the kind of girl, that easily could be casted for romantic dramas for her looks alone. Hongbin and her looked good together. The thought shattered his heard, but he had to admit, that the two of them were a perfect match. Better than Taekwoon even dared to dream he and Hongbin could ever be.  
It had been quiet hard for him honestly. Accepting that he was into guys. But at the same time it had been slightly reliving. It was like he had finally found the explanation to why, he had never been like the other boys. It had been harder to accept, that he would never be able to be together with the one he loved. The pretty guys were always straight. Hongbin never tried hiding it, when he found a girl pretty. Most of the time he would even tell them. Sometimes it just resulted in a flustered ‘Thank You’ from the girls, but other times Hongbin would go on dates with the them. So far Taekwoon hadn’t experienced, that Hongbin had had a girlfriend. But this time it seemed pretty serious with Hyeri. They had spend every break with each other the past week doing God knows what. Taekwoon hated it. He hated her.  
“Taekwoon- ah!”, Hakyeon called again and shook Taekwoons shoulder. Taekwoon looked up from the floor. Both Wonshik and Hakyeon were looking pending at him, and Taekwoon figured this wasn’t the first time Hakyeon had called his name. He had gotten too carried away in thoughts as he had done so many other times the past days. He finally hummed to tell Hakyeon, that he had gotten his full attention. Hakyeon sighed.  
“Seriously Taekwoon-ah”, he nagged. Luckily Wonshik quickly cut off his bitching, before it got too bad. He was after all used to the older boys whining.   
“Is something the matter, Taekwoon-hyung?”, Wonshik asked in a serious tone, since Taekwoon hadn’t really answered them the first time. Taekwoon just shrugged, not really paying attention to Wonshiks words. He needed to clear his mind somewhere. So he got up from his seat and collected his stuff to go sit in the classroom until the class started.  
“Taekwoon-ah, where are you going?”, Hakyeon asked and stood up from his chair. He was about to follow Taekwoon, but Wonshik stopped him. Taekwoon clearly wasn’t alright, and frankly Wonshik wasn’t sure, if any of them would be able to help him.  
***  
Hongbin closed the door behind him. Taekwoon was sitting down on his bed, pretending to be far away in reading his chemistry book. Hongbin had brought two cokes with him, assuming that Taekwoon would also be thirsty after a long day in school. After school he had agreed to go home with Hongbin to help him study for a chemistry test. Frankly Wonshik was a lot better at chemistry than Taekwoon, and he had offered to help Hongbin. But Hongbin had declined. Taekwoon had seemed pretty odd the past week, and it had almost felt like he had avoided Hongbin. So more than anything, today Hongbin hoped that he could get an answer to why he had behaved like that.  
“Hey… Taekwoon-ah”, Hongbin said and put the cokes down on the nightstand: “I’m just gonna change my clothes, I hope you don’t mind?”. They were still both wearing their school uniforms, and Hongbin didn’t feel like wearing it more than necessary. Taekwoon finally looked up from the book. He had been awfully quiet on their way to the house, but now he finally spoke.  
“Ah… N-no I don’t mind”, he hastily mumbled and lowered his head to hide his blushing cheeks. It wasn’t like it was the first time he had seen Hongbins naked torso… he just never really got used to it. Hongbin turned around and opened his closet, to get a black hoodie, which he usually wore after school. It had a white print of a robot Viking on the back.   
Taekwoon quickly lowered his gaze, when Hongbin had taken off his blazer and started unbuttoning his shirt. He briefly got a peak of Hongbins abs before he looked down, and Hongbin turned his back at him. He tried to get back into the chemistry book, but it was like his eyes kept shifting over at Hongbins naked back. Taekwoon bit his lip. How long could it take him to put on that stupid hoodie?!  
“Taekwoon-hyung”, Hongbin suddenly said, making Taekwoon quickly look down and flustered dropped the book: “Could you please help me? I think I got stuck”. His last words were followed by a light chuckle, and he turned around. Still flustered from the sight of Hongbins naked torso, Taekwoon got up from the bed, to help him put on the hoodie properly. Hongbin had forgotten to untie the strings in the hoodie and therefore wasn’t able to get his head through the hole. Taekwoon began untying the knot. Being so close to a partly naked Hongbin made his heart beat faster than ever, and he had to focus hard on untying the knot, since his hands were shaking badly. At last he finally got the knot untied.  
“Aish… why do you have to be like this”, Taekwoon muttered under his breath. Hongbin finally got the hoodie on, and hid his exposed torso. He looked at Taekwoon with a frown.  
“What did you say?”, he asked in a confused tone. Taekwoon shook his head, not wanting to repeat his words. He felt really annoyed at Hongbin and he feared that his words would could out far angrier, than he wanted to admit to Hongbin, that he felt. But Hongbin didn’t give up that easily.  
“Why are you acting so weird?”, Hongbin asked in a frustrated tone and put his hands on his hips: “Are you trying to avoid me on purpose or is that just how you normally show your affection towards your friends?!”. He aswell was getting angry at Taekwoon for constantly pushing him away.   
“Why are you trying to put the blame on me?”, Taekwoon said clenching his fist: “It’s like your mocking me every time that I’m around”. Hongbins angry expression suddenly turned into a confused frown: “Wha-“, he was about to ask, but was cut off by Taekwoons angry shouting: “WHY CAN’T YOU JUST ACT LIKE NORMAL GUYS DO?!”. He turned his back at Hongbin to quickly gather his things to leave. Hongbin didn’t even try to stop him. He was lost for words. What had he done to make Taekwoon hate him this much?  
“You don’t miss a chance to shove your body up my face or to show off your stupid-ass dimples”, Taekwoon angrily muttered as he threw his things into his schoolbag: “And you’re constantly together with that Hyeri-girl… If you like her so much, why can’t you just admit it so the rest of us are able to move on!”.  
“Of course I’m using a lot of time with Hyeri, we’re doing a school project together!”, Hongbin finally interrupted Taekwoon: “And what do you even care? Just because I’m seeing her doesn’t mean that we can’t be friends!”. Taekwoon sighed and stopped packing for a moment.  
“You don’t understand anything”, he sighed with his eyes closed, trying his best to keep his anger and frustration under control. All of these emotions had been building up inside of him for so long, and now that he finally was letting it all out, he found it hard to stop again.  
“Then explain it to me”, Hongbin said with a begging voice, and put his hand on Taekwoons shoulder: “Please, I don’t want to lose you again”. Hongbin had started tearing up and did everything in his power to restrain his tears. Taekwoon meant a lot to him, and it had been hard on Hongbin, when he had moved away. He didn’t want to go through that again. Finally Taekwoon turned around so that he was staring right into Hongbins chocolate brown eyes. God, how he hated those eyes.  
“You wouldn’t understand”, he growled at the younger boy. If eyes could kill, Hongbin would probably have been a pile of ash on the ground in that moment. Hongbin shook his head.  
“You don’t know that!”, he exclaimed in an annoyed tone: “Stop pretending that you can do everything on your own and get into your thick head that I want to help you!”. He let out an irritated sigh: “Christ, what can be so bad, that you can’t tell me!”.  
“I love you”, Taekwoon snapped: “I love you, and it kills me inside to see you smile at other people when they don’t know, how luckily they are to be with you”. Hongbin stared at him with widened eyes. Almost not even realizing his own words Taekwoon kept going: “I can’t do it anymore! It hurts so much to be with you, when I know that you’re the one thing I can never have”. Taekwoon suddenly stopped talking when the meaning of his own words finally reached him, and he realized what he had said to Hongbin. He grabbed his bag to rush out of the house and leave to never return. But he was stopped, when Hongbin grabbed him by his necktie and pulled him closer, so their noses touched. It felt like they stood like that for an eternity, before Hongbin finally evened out the space between them, by joining their lips in a soft kiss. He locked his lips around Taekwoons lower lip and drew him a little closer. After a while they let go of each other, gasping for air. Taekwoons heart was beating rapidly, and he was certain, Hongbin would be able to hear it. He was lost for words. It was like someone had dropped a bomb inside his head and all his thoughts and sanity had been blown to pieces. It had all been replaces by Hongbin. His face, the smell of him, the taste of him. He didn’t resist at all when Hongbin dragged him with him to the bed, where they both laid down. Hongbin gently caressed Taekwoons shoulder and crawled a little closer.  
Taekwoon turned his head and looked directly into Hongbins eyes. It was exactly like the day, they had played soccer together. Only this time, Taekwoon finally had the courage. He lifted his upper body and put his hand on Hongbins cheek. While gently caressing his cheek with his thumb he leaned forward, to join their lips once again.  
“I love you, Jung Taekwoon”, Hongbin whispered, when they finally let go of each other again: “How come it took you so long to realize that?”.


	8. Chapter 8

Taekwoon had his arms around Hongbin, gently caressing his arm. Hongbin rested his head on Taekwoons chest, lightly drawing circles around Taekwoons bellybutton using his index finger. The gentle touch send shivers down Taekwoons spine.   
It had been a few weeks since Hongbin and Taekwoon had kissed each other for the first time, but Taekwoon still hadn’t gotten used to Hongbins touch. They hadn’t told their friends about it. That they were dating. Because frankly, they weren’t even sure about what they were themselves. They usually met up at Hongbins place after school, since he was home alone most of the time anyway, trying to do the stuff they normally did. Doing their homework, gaming, eating, joking around. But usually it wouldn’t take long before they ended up in the bed together. Naked. Taekwoon was still scared about it all, and thus Hongbin usually took the role of being the top. They didn’t really talk about it afterwards. Hongbin said, that talking to much about it ruined the magic. So they didn’t. At least not about what they were, and where they were going.  
“I got you something”, Taekwoon suddenly said out of the blue, after they had been quiet for a long time. Hongbin lifted his head to look at Taekwoon, but his bangs got in the way, making him unable to see. Taekwoon brushed it away with light move.  
“You should get your hair cut soon, Beannie”, he said with a soft voice. Hongbin pushed his chest teasingly.  
“Aigo, you sound like my mom!”, Hongbin said with a light chuckle: “What did you say about getting me something?”. Taekwoon looked at him with a suspicious smile, before carefully slipping out of the bed. He got his bag from the floor, and found a little box in one of the side pockets. Hongbin stretched his neck, trying to get a glimpse of what Taekwoon was finding, but wasn’t able to see it from this distance. The lack of light in the room didn’t really help either. They usually pulled the curtains and turned off the light, when they did it.  
“Happy 17th birthday, Hongbin-ah”, Taekwoon said with a little smile when he got back in the bed. He handed Hongbin the little box. He had wrapped it in lilac paper with a black bow on the top. He faintly recalled Hongbin saying, that he liked that color combination.  
“Oh you shouldn’t have”, Hongbin flustered said. His cheeks had turned bright red from the sudden surprise: “How did you even know, it’s my birthday?”.  
“Hakyeon told me”, Taekwoon explained with a little smile. It was true, that Hakyeon this morning had reminded him of Hongbins birthday. But Taekwoon had bought Hongbins present days ago, well aware of Hongbins birthday coming up. He remembered that date better than his own birthday.  
“You should open it”, Taekwoon said leaning his back against the cold wall. Hongbin nodded slightly and began unwrapping the gift. First he removed the black bow, then the lilac paper until he reached the black box underneath, which he carefully opened. Inside of the box, there was a wristband covered with black pearls. Each pearl had white dots in different seizes covering them. Hongbin couldn’t help but think about the night sky when he saw them.   
“Ahhh Taewkwoon-hyung…”, Hongbin mumbled not sure what to say. Taekwoon looked nervously at him, and quickly interjected: “I-If you don’t like it, I can just deliver it back, and buy you something else instead”. Hongbin shook his head.   
“No no no, I love it!”, he said and smiled at Taekwoon: “It’s the most beautiful thing I have ever recieved”.  
“I wanted to give you all of the stars in the sky”, Taekwoon said and carefully put the wristband around Hongbins wrist: “But unfortunately they couldn’t be in the box, so I had to buy you this instead”. Hongbin laughed and lightly hit Taekwoons arm. Taekwoon could be so unbelievably cheesy sometimes.   
“Thank you”, Hongbin said and put his hands on Taekwoons cheeks: “Thank you for the present… and thank you for making me happier than I have ever been before”. He leaned a little forward and gave Taekwoon a soft kiss on the lips.  
***  
“Hongbin-ah?”  
“Mmmhh?”, Hongbin rubbed his eyes. He must’ve fallen asleep. He was still wearing the wristband, and the two of them had resumed the position they had been in, before Hongbin had received his present. He could feel Taekwoons heart beating faster, as if he was nervous about something.  
“I got spotted”, Taekwoon said with a light voice. Hongbin turned his head, and looked at him with a frown.  
“You have been what?”, he asked in a confused tone, sounding like he was still half asleep. Taekwoon bit his lip and lowered his gaze. He was nervous about Hongbins reaction to what he had to say.  
“I was spotted by a talentscout at our last soccermatch”, Taekwoon explained: “She came from a school, which specializes in soccer. She offered me a scholarship for their school… if I wanted to attend it at least”. Hongbins eyes widened.  
“That’s amazing, hyung!”, Hongbin exclaimed: “Of course they would offer you a scholarship, you’re the best player the team has ever had - and that says quite a lot”. With a slight giggle he lifted his upper body, and leaned forward to kiss Taekwoon. But right before he reached him, just as their noses touched, Taekwoon spoke again.  
“The school is in England”, he said, not louder than a whisper: “I would have to leave by the end of the school year”. It wasn’t until now Hongbin noticed that Taekwoon was tearing up. Taekwoon took a deep breath, trying to control his emotions. But nothing but the scholarship had been on his mind since that game, and he felt like it was tearing him apart inside. His father had made it clear, that he wanted him to go, and that he thought he would be unbelievable thick if he decline the offer. Taekwoon really wanted to go as well. Soccer was the only thing he had ever been really good at. But still something kept him from going. A single tear escaped his eye and rolled down his cheek. Hongbin wiped it away using his thumb.  
“Don’t cry, jagiya”, Hongbin said with a gentle voice: “It’s an amazing opportunity, there’s no reason to cry”. Taekwoon bit his lip harder, but wasn’t able to control it anymore. The tears rolled down his cheeks, and his whole body was shaking. Hongbin sat up and put his arm around Taekwoons neck, pulling him into a comforting embrace. Lightly he stroke Taekwoons back, trying his best to console the one he loved. After a while, Taekwoon finally spoke again.  
“It’s just… I don’t want to leave you”, he said with his head resting against Hongbins chest: “But I really wanna go to this school”. Hongbin smiled and kissed the top of Taekwoons head.   
“Don’t worry about me”, Hongbin said with a soft voice: “I’ve waited for you for six years already and I would wait for you six years again and again and again”. Taekwoon looked up at Hongbin with teary eyes. Hongbin send him a comforting smile: “You’re worth the wait”. Taekwoon smiled at Hongbin, not sure whether to laugh or to cry even more.   
“Will you promise to wait for me?”, he asked with a shaky voice: “Even if I fail and never become anything big in life”. Hongbin shook his head with a little smile. Taekwoon was already the biggest and most important thing in his life.   
“Of course I’ll wait, don’t think you’ll get rid of me that easily”, Hongbin said with a light chuckle. With a thoughtful nod, Taekwoon lowered his head. Not having Taekwoons eyes on him anymore, Hongbin wasn’t able to fake a smile for any longer. The thought about losing Taekwoon once again made everything inside of him turn cold. He had carried on with his life without Taekwoon before, and he feared, that the same thing would happen again.  
But how could he ever possibly tell Taekwoon that.


	9. Chapter 9

“Good luck with the game, jagiya”, Hongbin said with a smile and laid his arms around Taekwoons waist. He folded his hands behind Taekwoons back and snuggled closer to his hot body, burying his face in the older boy’s neck. Taekwoon put his arms around Hongbins shoulder and gave him a gentle kiss on top of his head. His hair had a faint smell of peaches. He had washed his it right before taking off to the soccer match. Unfortunately he hadn’t had time to straighten his it like he normally did, so his naturally wavy hair was a ruffly mess. Taekwoon loved when Hongbins hair was like that.  
“I don’t need luck”, Taekwoon said with a confident smile: “Not when I’m playing with the best soccer players in all of South Korea”. Hongbin lifted his head, and smiled at Taekwoon. He loved seeing Taekwoon this happy and confident. He was always like this right before a match.  
A girl running to the field from the stands caught Hongbins eye. She had wavy, oak brown hair which flapped behind her in the wind. A big smile was covering her face, as she called someones name. From this distance, Hongbin wasn’t able to hear, what she was shouting. She was wearing an oversized sweatshirt with ‘Married To The Music’ written on it. Her slim legs moved faster and faster, until she finally reached the guy she was looking for. A tall guy with auburn brown hair, wearing a soccer uniform, embraced her tightly, obviously happy to see her. He was almost a head taller than her, and thus she had to stand on her tippy toes, to be able to kiss him.  
“Who’s that?”, Hongbin asked and nodded towards the two. Taekwoon turned his head and spotted what Hongbin was looking at a few meters away from them. He immediately recognized the both of them. After all he knew both of them pretty well.  
“Which one of them?”, he asked with a light voice looking back at Hongbin. Hongbin was still looking over at the guy and the girl.   
“The both of them”, he answered and looked back at Taekwoon. When he finally noticed the other boys gaze, he couldn’t help but smile: “I have seen the guy at your other soccer matches, but I still don’t know who he is”. Taekwoon looked back over at the couple, and sneaked his hands into the pockets of Hongbins jacket. It was a chilly day, so only wearing shorts and T-shirt was rather cold for Taekwoon. Hopefully he would feel a lot warmer, when they started the game.  
“That’s Choi Minho, the captain of the soccer team”, Taekwoon said and nodded towards the guy: “He’s a really great guy… he was the first person to talk to me, when I became a member of the team”. Minho had his eyes fixed on the smaller girl and Hongbin recognized the loving look in his eyes, from when Taekwoon looked at him. It was that kind of look that made you feel like you were the most important person in the world. He could understand why someone would look at the girl like that. She was stunningly beautiful.  
“And the girl is Emma, his girlfriend”, Taekwoon carried on explaining, with a little nod in the girls direction. Hongbin frowned and looked up at Taekwoon.  
“Emma?”, he asked with a confused voice: “That’s a strange name”. Taekwoon chuckled lightly. He bet Emma had gotten that a hundred times, since she had started in the school. After all her name wasn’t really a common name in South Korea.  
“She’s a transfer student from Europe”, he said with a little smile: “She doesn’t speak a lot of Korean yet, but she’s fluent in English”. Hongbin watched, as Emma gently caressed Minhos arm while talking to him, making him nod in response. She was probably doing the same thing as Hongbin. Wishing the one she loved good luck with the game.  
“They seem like one of those perfect couples from movies”, Hongbin said with a little smile, having a hard time taking his eyes off of them: “I bet they’re the best looking couple in school!”. Taekwoon shook his head.  
“They couldn’t be”  
“And why is that?”  
“I’m already with the best looking guy in the school”, Taekwoon said with a little smile and hugged Hongbin tighter. Hongbin chuckled lightly.  
“Hey, did you just say that we’re-“, Hongbin was about to ask, but got cut off when suddenly a voice over the speakers announced, that the game would begin in a few minutes. So Taekwoon gave Hongbin a quick kiss on the cheek, before running towards the coach along with the rest of the team. With a little smile Hongbin shook his head, and turned around to walk back up to the stands. Unfortunately someone else had taken his seat beside Sanghyuk while he was gone, and since he didn’t feel like arguing over at seat, he decided to go look for another one. Luckily he quickly spotted another one. Right next to Emma.  
“Can I sit here?”, he asked and pointed to the seat. Emma looked up at him, and thoughtfully bit her lip for a moment, before answering in shaky Korean: “Yes”. With a smile he sat down beside her. It wasn’t until now, when he was close to her, he noticed her eyes. They were green with a light brown spot in the middle. He had never seen eyes like hers before.  
“You’re eyes are beautiful”, he said making her look back up at him. She frowned slightly, before in rusty Korean saying: “I-I don’t speak Korean”. Finally Hongbin remembered what Taekwoon had told him earlier, and quickly tried complimenting her eyes again – in English this time.  
“Your eyes-“, he said and pointed to his own eyes. He hummed thoughtfully for a moment, trying to come up with the correct English word. He was sure he had heard it before in his English class, but unfortunately he wasn’t good at remembering the English words he was taught. Finally he remembered, and with a smile he continued: “Very beautiful”. Emma smiled shyly and lowered her head, when she finally understood, what he was saying.  
“Thank you”, she said in a flustered tone. Hongbin nodded, happy that they were understanding each other. Being able to communicate with her, somehow made him very excited. He pointed to himself.  
“I am Hongbin”, he carried on talking, getting more confident in his English, and pointed towards the players on the soccer field. They were starting the get into position, to start the match: “Minho very good soccer player”. Emma couldn’t help but giggle at his shabby pronunciation, but nodded to show that she agreed with him. Hongbin bit his lip, trying to come up with more to say, when he spotted Taekwoon down on the field. He pointed at him.  
“Taekwoon-hyung-”, he said in an excited tone. He once again hummed, trying to come up with the English words for what he wanted to say: “We are boy-“. He was abruptly cut off when the whistle was blown, signalizing that the game had started. Since Emma probably would be more interested in watching Minho down on the field, Hongbin decided to lean back in his seat and finally shut up.

Hongbin didn’t know much about soccer. Taekwoon had countless times tried explaining the rules to him, but somehow he always got distracted by something (mainly by Taekwoons eyes). So he never really paid attention to the game, when he watched the school soccer team play. He just went to watch Taekwoon and cheer for him, when he managed to score a goal (a goal was a good thing – that much he knew).   
Their team was leading by six goals against two and with only 15 minutes left, they were sure to win. Taekwoon had been behind four of the goals, and the players from the other team was beginning to get quite pissed off. Taekwoon barely noticed, until the players started trying to trip him up. At first he only thought it was a clumsy mistake. But as the other players kept pushing him and try to make him trip over their feet, he finally realized what they were up to. But when he finally did so, it was already far too late.  
“Excuse me”, a slightly chubby guy said, as he tried squeezing past Hongbin. He was wearing a huge backpack with the nametag “Shindong” stitched onto it. Hongbin wasn’t able to see the game for him. The guy quickly turned his upper body, when a loud cheer sounded from the audience. It was in the last second, Hongbin managed to save his face from being hit by the backpack, by using his hands as shield. Unfortunately his wristband got caught on one of the countless keychains attached to the backpack, and the string broke.  
“Oh, sorry”, the guy apologized and finally moved away. All of the pearls had fallen to the ground, and had rolled under the seats.   
“Shit”, Hongbin exclaimed and jumped down his seat, to collect the pearls he had gotten from Taekwoon. He started tearing up, when he was only met by six pearls under the seat. The rest had fallen even further, and were laying somewhere in the grass under the stands. He barely noticed the loud yell coming from the spectators and the whistle that was blown to pause the game. He was too busy trying to see, if by any luck just one or two more pearls were laying under the nearby seats. When this wasn’t the case, he put the six pearls he had been able to save in his pocket, and got back up in his seat.   
“What’s going on?”, he asked in a confused tone, when he had gotten up from the floor. The game has stopped, and all of the players from the school team had gathered in a big circle. Something was lying in the middle, but Hongbin wasn’t able to recognize it from this distance. The coaches were shouting something at each other, which drowned in the nervous muttering coming from the spectators. A pair of paramedics rushed towards the circle of players. Hongbin looked to Emma for an answer, forgetting that she didn’t speak Korean.  
“One of the players got tackled”, a guy next to him answered his question, clearly angry at the opponents: “It seems pretty bad, I think they’re calling an ambulance”. Hongbin frowned and got up from his seat again. He had a weird feeling, that something was wrong. Emma lightly put her hand on his arm, trying to gain his attention.  
“Hongbin”, she said with a worried tone: “Taekwoon-“. But she didn’t get to finish. Hongbin spotted Hakyeon, Wonshik, Sanghyuk and Jaehwan rushing down the stairs towards the soccer field. With slow steps he moved away from Emma to follow his friends.  
“Hakyeon-hyung!”, Hongbin called, making the oldest of the group turn around. The worry was clear in Hakyeons face, as he stopped to wait for Hongbin. In a few steps, Hongbin got down to him, and together they continued down the stairs. Hakyeon gently laid his hand on Hongbins arm, as if he was trying to console him.  
“What is going on?”, Hongbin asked with a worried tone trying his best to keep up with the others. Someone came running with a stretcher from the other side. Hakyeon answered Hongbins question quickly, but Hongbin heard none of it. What caught his ear, was the sound of someone crying. A loud and painful cry. A cry that he had never heard before, but somehow still seemed scarily familiar. And that was when he finally realized, who was lying in the middle of the circle.  
“Taekwoon-hyung!”, Hongbin called trying to get through the ring of soccer players. Unfortunately none of them moved, so Hongbin wasn’t able to see Taekwoon. He tried pushing through one last time, but when he failed miserably again, he shouted in panic: “PLEASE LET ME THROUGH HE’S MY BOYFRIEND”. Finally the bloke in front of him moved a little to the side, so Hongbin at last was able to see his boyfriend.   
“Taekwoon-…”, Hongbin muttered, but wasn’t able to continue. Taekwoons knee looked wrong. Hongbin wasn’t even ale to describe what he saw. He had never seen a knee look as twisted, as Taekwoons did right now. Hongbin moved his eyes to Taekwoons face. He wished to be met by Taekwoons deep brown eyes, telling him that everything was going to be okay. But Taekwoon had passed out due to the pain, so Hongbin was only met by a face distorted in pain, with his black hair sticking to his sweaty forehead, before he was again pushed out of the circle, making room for the paramedics.


	10. Chapter 10

There was a slight knock on the door. Hongbin held his breath, waiting for a response from the other side of the door. In his hands he was holding a small bag with taiyaki, Taekwoons favorite cake, which he had made, hoping it would cheer him up. Taekwoon hadn’t been at school, since the accident at the soccer match nearly three weeks ago. Hongbin and the others had multiple times tried calling and texting him, but had received no reply. Neither had they been granted permission to visit him at the hospital, so none of them had seen him since he had been rushed to the hospital in an ambulance.  
“Maybe he’s dead”, Sanghyuk had suggested in a lunchbreak. Hakyeon had immediately stopped eating, and had given Sanghyuk a hard punch in the shoulder.  
“Don’t say stuff like that!”, Hakyeon had said, sounding like he was threatening Sanghyuk. Sanghyuk had winced and shaken his head.  
“Calm down, I was only joking”, he had muttered under his breath: “Geez, lighten up a bit, he’s going to be fine!”.  
“If he doesn’t reply, you can just go in”, Mrs. Jung said with a little smile: “He’s probably just sleeping”. Hongbin nodded as a response, and muttered a quiet: “Thank you” in response. She gave him a light pat on the shoulder, before walking back down the stairs. She knew that Hongbin wanted to be alone with Taekwoon. She had been at the soccer game. She had heard his shouting. None of his friends had commented on it yet, and everything was (almost) as it used to. It seemed liked they had just accepted, that Taekwoon and Hongbin were together. Frankly, Wonshik had seen it coming for a long time.   
“Taekwoon-hyung”, Hongbin called and knocked on the door one last time: “I’m coming in”. He waited a few more seconds, giving Taekwoon time to answer. But when the silence remained, he decided to finally just go in.   
The lights were dim in the bedroom, and when Hongbin closed the door behind him the only light in the room, was the sunlight which managed to escape through the thin curtains covering the window. The room was pretty small, and the only furniture decorating the room was a desk, a bookshelf and a bed where Taekwoon was lying. He was facing the wall, with a pillow under his knee. Hongbin had heard rumors, that he had needed surgery after the accident. But he didn’t know for sure if it was true. Hongbin put the bag of taiyaki on the desk, and walked over to Taekwoon. He had assumed that Taekwoon was asleep, due to the dim light and the silence in the room, but when he got closer he noticed, that Taekwoon had his eyes opened. They were staring blankly into the wall.   
“Jagiya…”, Hongbin whispered in a loving tone, and sat down beside Taekwoon on the bed: “How have you been”. He gently caressed the older boys arm, waiting for him to reply. But Taekwoon remained silent. Mrs. Jung had warned him, that Taekwoon hadn’t really spoken since he had been discharged from the hospital. But Hongbin had hoped that he would at least say a little bit, now that he was visiting him.   
“I brought you some taiyaki”, Hongbin said with a lowered voice, and chuckled slightly as he said: “But unfortunately they didn’t become as good as yours”. Taekwoon had several times tried to teach Hongbin how to make the perfect taiyaki. But Hongbin still managed to either burn all of the cakes he made or to forget some ingredient. It was by luck he had managed to make two cakes, who wasn’t a complete failure.   
“I put them on your desk”, Hongbin kept on talking (he had learned that keeping on talking was the best solution, when Taekwoon didn’t reply): “So if you want to, you can just grab one later”. He smiled slightly and looked down at his boyfriend. Taekwoons glassy eyes and emotionless face quickly took the smile of Hongbins face. He wished for the old Taekwoon to come back. The one who tried so hard not to smile or laugh in Hongbins presence, but always ended up doing both. The one who would playfully tackle people (mostly Sanghyuk) who annoyed him. The one who continued trying to teach him stuff even though they both knew, that Hongbin would never learn it.   
“It’s all pointless”, Taekwoon suddenly whispered. Hongbin looked at him with a frown and asked in a confused tone: “What do you mean?”. He tried to get eye contact with Taekwoon, but his eyes remained fixed at the wall. He was silent for a moment, before speaking again.   
“I’m not going to play soccer for at least half a year… probably not for even longer”, Taekwoon muttered: “That means I’ll get kicked off the soccer team”. It wasn’t until now Hongbin noticed that Taekwoon had started shaking slightly. He laid his hand on Taekwoons arm in an attempt to calm him down, but nothing seemed to help. It was as if Taekwoon didn’t even notice Hongbins presence. It was like he was speaking to himself.  
“I won’t be able to attend the school in England”, he mumbled. His voice suddenly turned cold, and Hongbin was honestly starting to feel a bit scared. Frankly Taekwoon wasn’t usually a total ray of sunshine. But today he seemed to be in an even darker mood, than he had ever been before.  
“And what is the point with me, if I can’t play soccer”, Taekwoon said with a hard voice: “If I’m not good at anything else… there is no point in my existence”.  
“What are you saying”, Hongbin said in a worried tone: “Of course you’re not pointless Taekwoon-hyung, you need to calm down”. He got up from the bed and moved towards the window. With a firm grip he pulled the curtains aside, finally letting the sun lighten up the room.   
“The others and I are planning to meet up at Sanghyuk-ah’s later”, Hongbin said cheerfully, trying to lighten up the mood: “I came here to ask, if you wanted to tag along?”. Sanghyuks family owned a small dog which Taekwoon had loved dearly, since his first visit at the house. He had always loved animals (sometimes Hongbin even felt like, Taekwoon liked animals more than he liked him) but unfortunately his family didn’t own any pets. Sanghyuk felt a bit sorry for Taekwoon, so he always let Taekwoon walk the dog and play with it, as much as he wanted, whenever he visited. So Taekwoon usually didn’t surpass a chance to go to Sanghyuks house. So Hongbin was pretty surprised, when he heard Taekwoons answer.  
“No thank you”, he said with a low voice. Hongbin bit his lip, before desperately suggesting: “W-we could also just go home to me? We could watch a movie or-“.  
“No thank you”, Taekwoon repeated. Hongbin remained still in the middle of the room for a few moments, waiting for Taekwoon to speak again. But Taekwoon was done talking.   
Hongbin couldn’t go. He didn’t want to. He desperately wanted to lay down beside Taekwoon and be able to touch him again. To feel him again. But Hongbin could clearly feel, that Taekwoon didn’t want him to be there. So after a bit, he finally started walking towards the door.  
“I-I should probably get going then”, he stammered and looked back at Taekwoon one last time: “Just… you can just call me, if you need anything”. He waited a bit, but when he didn’t receive an answer, he finally left the Jung residence.  
***  
The loud sound of a buzzing phone suddenly woke Hongbin up in the middle of the night. Half asleep he picked it up from the nightstand and squinted his eyes at the sharp light coming from the small screen. The display told him it was 3:02am. He was about to throw the phone across the room, thinking it would just be Hakyeon (who usually called his friends, after having a bad dream). But as soon as he saw who it was, he quickly answered the call.  
“Taekwoon-hyung!”, he exclaimed in a worried tone. Taekwoon had never before called him past 8pm, so Hongbin immediately knew, something was seriously wrong. At first Taekwoon didn’t answer his question. The only sound in the other end of the phone was the howling wind, and the sound of something Hongbin didn’t recognize at first. He was about to call for Taekwoon again, when finally Taekwoon started talking.  
“I wanted to go for a walk”, the sound of Taekwoons ice cold voice sent shivers down Hongbins spine: “Each step hurt badly, but I just kept on going”.  
“Hyung, you really need to get some sleep”, Hongbin said in a begging voice, but it didn’t seem like Taekwoon heard him at all.  
“It made me think. Why do I keep on going, when each step hurt me? What am I trying to prove? What am I trying to achieve?”  
“Please, Taek-“  
“Sometimes I manage to take a step which doesn’t hurt… and for a few moments it makes me believe, that maybe it’ll be able to continue like this. That maybe I won’t have to be in pain anymore. But I always manage to twist around, and make everything return to being as awful as it was before”, Taekwoon sounded like he was far away in his own, deep, dark thoughts. Finally Hongbin recognized the sound in the other end. It sounded like distant… waves.  
“I can’t do it anymore”, Taekwoon said with a firm voice, sounding like he was finally talking to Hongbin: “I am done trying… it’s all hopeless anyway”. Hongbins heart started beating rapidly, as he finally started understanding the meaning of Taekwoons words. But he couldn’t mean that. He couldn’t seriously be trying to…  
“Just tell me where you are, please? We can solve this together”, Hongbin desperately begged Taekwoon, as he jumped out of the bed. He rushed to his closet, where he with shaking hands got a pair of jeans, and the hoodie he had worn, the day he had kissed Taekwoon for the first time.  
“I am really sorry I got you dragged into all of this, Hongbin-ah”, Taekwoon apologized with a scaringly calm voice: “You were the one person I wanted to protect the most… but I couldn’t even manage to save you from myself”. Hongbin shook his head. He didn’t understand why Taekwoon acted like this all of a sudden. He understood why Taekwoon was sad that he couldn’t go to England… but was he really so down that he would be able to… kill himself? The thought only made Hongbins heart race faster.  
“Where are you Taekwoon?”, Hongbin asked again, trying his best to calm himself. There was no way Taekwoon would do anything this stupid so rationally. Would he? When Taekwoon didn’t respond to his words, Hongbin wasn’t able to keep all of his emotions inside anymore, and frustrated he yelled: “TAEKWOON TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE FOR GODS SAKE”. He was shaking badly, and leaned against the wall, trying to get control over his breathing. His eyes started getting teary, as he waited for Taekwoon to respond. After what seemed like years in silence, Taekwoon finally spoke again.  
“By the bridge”, he mumbled, suddenly not sounding as cold as before. It almost sounded like he was losing confidence in his own words: “Don’t worry… I won’t be here for much longer anyway”. Then he hung up, and Hongbin was left alone with the terrifying silence.  
***  
He was alone. The only thing accompanying him this dark night, was the sounds of the roaring ocean underneath him, sounding like a hungry animal. Not even the moon was there to bid him a last farewell. It was hidden behind the clouds dark clouds. Taekwoons heart beated rapidly as he took a quick peep down. The waves were hitting against the bridge many meters underneath him. From where he was standing, the dark water looked like a big black hole.   
Taekwoon had a tight grip in the safety barrier, which he had crawled over. When he had arrived at the bridge, almost an hour ago, he had been determined to do it. He hadn’t even left a note. He had figured that no one would miss him anyway, so writing a note would be pointless. But as he had crawled over the safety barrier and had gotten closer to the edge, his conscience had started nagging him. He felt horrible for being so cold towards Hongbin, when he had visited him earlier. So he had figured the best way to make up to him was to call him and explain.  
But speaking with Hongbin had only made it worse. Now he only felt like an even more horrible person. He had done his best to make himself numb to Hongbins words, but the younger boys desperate and powerless voice, had made him tear up inside. Why did it have to be like this? Why was he such a coward? Why couldn’t he just do this simple task?! He only needed to take one more step to end it all. He took a deep breath, before leaning slightly forward, still with a firm grip in the railing. His legs were shaking and his body screamed for him to get back on the other side. But at the same time, it was as if the ocean called for him. The roaring sound that had frightened him earlier now seemed soothing, almost like an old friend calling him home. This feeling of wanting to let go was so familiar to him. So Taekwoon took another deep breath before slowly loosening his grip on the safety barrier.

 

“TAEKWOON-HYUNG!”, Hongbin screamed as soon as he saw the older boy on the other side of the safety barrier. He almost fell off his bike, but managed to jump away from it in time, leaving it on the road. Taekwoon was startled by the sudden voice, and almost slipped off the bridge. Luckily he managed to get a grip on the safety barrier again, before falling down. Hongbin ran towards Taekwoon, but was quickly stopped by Taekwoons voice.  
“DON’T COME ANY CLOSER”, he yelled back at Hongbin, making the other boy stop immediately. He was standing only a few meters away, and wanted so badly to take the last few steps towards Taekwoon. He was shaking so bad, he feared his legs would collapse under him. It felt like he was suffocating. He needed to get Taekwoon back on the safe side.  
“Taekwoon-hyung…”, Hongbin whimpered with a thin voice. Taekwoon turned his head, not daring to face Hongbins pleading eyes. Instead he stared into the distance, trying to gain the courage to jump. He had been ready to do it just a few moments ago, but after seeing Hongbin it was as if something was holding him back. He couldn’t possibly do it with Hongbin watching him.  
“Can you please just…”, Taekwoon begged, keeping his eyes fixed at the ocean: “Can you please just go”. Hongbin quickly wiped the few tears, which had escaped his eyes, away with the back of his hands. He shook his head.  
“I’m not leaving without you”, Hongbin said, trying to make his voice sound less scared. He needed to stay calm in this situation. He needed to talk some sense into Taekwoon, and that wasn’t going to work, if he showed his panic. But it was indeed hard to stay calm, when something inside of him kept screaming “He’s gonna die, Taekwoon is gonna disappear, I’m gonna be left alone”.  
“You know what my father said, when I got discharged from the hospital?”, Taekwoon said with a shaky voice. Hongbin watched him with a worried frown. Secretly, he took a small step towards Taekwoon, without him noticing.   
“What are you gonna do now, he asked. I’ve never heard him sound so disappointed before”, Taekwoon said. He looked up at the sky, trying to prevent his tears from starting to roll down his cheeks: “And I didn’t know what to answer him! I’ve been thinking like crazy for the last week, but I still don’t know what to answer him”. He wasn’t able to hold back his tears for any longer, and they started rolling down his cheeks. Afraid that he would fall if he let go with one of his hands, he couldn’t wipe the tears away.   
“My grades are dropping, I’ve got no plans for what I’m gonna do next year and I am nothing but a disappointment to my family and friends”, Taekwoon said. Hongbin was speechless. How could he not have seen, how shitty Taekwoon was feeling.  
“I have no idea where I’m going… a-and I just feel so lost and alone in all of this”, Taekwoon continued with a thin voice: “I just want to feel like I’m in control again… so please… just let me finish this”. Not only were his legs shaking badly now, his shoulders were shaking as well. But it stopped, when he suddenly felt something warm and soft around his waist. He looked down to see Hongbins arms around him. The younger boy was hugging him tightly with no intention of ever letting him go again.   
“No”, Hongbin said and shook his head: “I won’t let you do this”. His forehead rested against Taekwoons back. It almost felt like Taekwoon was swaying in the wind, like he was light as a feather and would fly away, if Hongbin didn’t hold onto him.  
“I’ve told you, that I’m gonna stick with you forever”, he said with a surprisingly firm voice: “And if you jump down, I would have to jump after you”. Taekwoon had lowered his head.  
“I promise you, I’ll help you regain control”, Hongbin said: “And you shouldn’t worry about your grades… If you ever need any help with any of it, I’m sure Wonshik and Hakyeon would love to help you!”. He sighed deeply, before with a gentle voice saying: “Of course you haven’t disappointed any of us - neither your friends nor your family”. He could feel how Taekwoons grip around the safety barrier slowly loosened.   
“They all love you, Taekwoon-hyung… I love you”, he said with a soft voice: “And I beg of you please don’t leave me alone in this world… I don’t know how I would be able to go on without you”. Hongbin took a deep breath, before finally saying: “So please… don’t end it like this”. They stood in silence for what seemed like forever. Hongbin kept holding Taekwoon tightly, afraid of what he would do, if he let him go. But after a while Taekwoon finally turned around and started climbing over the safety barrier. Hongbin had a thigh grip in Taekwoons arm, to help him get over at the safe side. As soon as Taekwoon was down on the ground Hongbin pulled him into a hug, putting his arms around Taekwoons back. Taekwoons body felt weak as he snuggled closer to Hongbin. Unfortunately, his injured knee wasn’t able to hold him up for any longer, and he slowly started sliding down on the ground. Hongbin kept on holding onto him, and helped him get down on the ground safely.  
“Thank you”, Taekwoon whispered into Hongbins ear. Hongbin finally allowed himself to cry, and whatever words he had prepared to say, turned into a loud sobbing.


	11. Chapter 11

“TAEKWOON-AAAAAAAAH”, a sudden yell broke the silence on the bridge. Taekwoon looked up from the ground and saw someone running towards them. Hongbin was still hugging him tightly with one arm, while wiping the last tears away from his cheeks, with his other hand. At first none of them recognized the high pitched voice, but when another person started yelling, he immediately knew who it was.  
“HONGBIN-HYUNG?! TAEKWOON-HYUNG?!”, Sanghyuk called as he, Hakyeon and Jaehwan came running towards the two on the bridge.  
“SANGHYUK-AH”, Hongbin yelled back in response: “IT’S ALRIGHT!”. Taekwoon looked up at Hongbin with a confused frown. How had they known about him and Hongbin being there?  
“I called them on my way here”, Hongbin explained, as if he had heard Taekwoons thoughts: “We were all really worried about you”. At last Hakyeon, Sanghyuk and Jaehwan caught up to them, and Taekwoon was rather surprised by the looks on their faces. Both Sanghyuk and Jaehwan were more serious, than he had ever seen them before - it was almost a bit scary. Hakyeon was crying so badly, he could barely see the road in front of him. So Sanghyuk had a tight grip in his arm to lead him in the right direction.  
“Taekwoon-hyung, are you alright?”, Jaehwan asked. He got down on his knees, so that he was at eye level with Taekwoon and Hongbin. Taekwoon gave him a little nod in response and muttered a little: “Yeah…”, in response. His eyes were fixed at Hakyeon, who were still crying like a little baby. Sanghyuk shook his arm lightly.  
“Geez hyung, he’s alright stop crying already”, Sanghyuk sighed, while comfortingly patting Hakyeons shoulder. Hakyeon tried wiping the tears away with the back of his hands, but it seemed like the tears just kept on flowing.  
“Sorry”, he mumbled trough his sobbing. It was a well-known fact that Hakyeon was a bit of a whimp. He was easily scared and he always seemed to find something to nag about in every situation. But still, Taekwoon had never before seen him cry, like he did now. His shoulders were shaking, as he was clearly trying to suppress his tears. Taekwoon was shocked to see, how much his actions had affected his friend.  
“Hakyeon-ah”, Taekwoon said with a light voice. With a slight groan he managed to get up from the ground, even though his knee was hurting badly. He hobbled a few steps forward and put his arms around Hakyeon, trying to console him. Taekwoon rarely showed any form for affection towards his friend, so this sudden embrace only made Hakyeon cry harder.  
“I’m alright Hakyeon-ah… so please stop crying”, Taekwoon begged his friend while lightly padding him on the back. Hakyeon slowly pulled out of the hug, while nodding.  
“Wonshik-ah came with us as well”, Jaehwan said after a few moments of silence, while Hakyeon wiped the last tears away with his thumbs.  
“But unfortunately he fell asleep on the way”, Jaehwan continued and sighed: “You know how hard it is to wake him up… even in serious situation like this!”. He smiled slightly at Taekwoon who gave him a little smile in return. Unfortunately his smile quickly disappeared when he couldn’t help but make a wry face, when a wave of pain shot through his leg, and was about to send him to the ground once again. Luckily Sanghyuk and Jaehwan were quickly there to grab him, and help him sit down on the ground slowly.  
“How did you get here so fast?”, Hongbin asked in a wondering tone. His eyes were fixed at Jaehwan, but it was Hakyeon who answered his question.  
“I borrowed my dad’s car”, he said, still sounding a bit shaky from crying: “Wonshik-ah was sleeping at my place, so we just picked Sanghyuk-ah and Jaehwan-ah up on the way”. It wasn’t until now Hongbin realized that all of them were wearing their nightwear under their jackets. He wondered how he hadn’t noticed Jaehwans pajamas pants with little teddy bears on it until now.  
“We should probably get back to the car”, Jaehwan said and looked up at Hakyeon: “Taekwoon-hyung is so cold, I think he’s turning into a popsicle”.  
***  
“When I was 15 my mother got a depression”, Taekwoon said with a light voice his eyes for once fixed on his friends. They were back in Hakyeons car, and Taekwoon had gotten a blanket, they had found in the trunk. It was a quite big car with two seats in the front, three seats in the back and two more seats in the middle. Hakyeon and Wonshik had originally been sitting in the front seats, but when Taekwoon had said, that he wanted to tell them about Busan, they had moved to the backseat. Sanghyuk and Jaehwan were sitting in the middle seats. Sanghyuk was beginning to look very sleepy (after all he hadn’t got more than 1,5 hours off sleep - due to being too into watching anime) but he did his best to keep his eyes focused at Taekwoon.  
Taekwoon wasn’t sure how to continue. Wasn’t sure if he really was able to finally tell about what happened in Busan. Hongbin noticed the doubt in his eyes, and gently laid his hand on Taekwoons arm. Lightly he stroke it with his thumb, and with a soft voice said: “Please continue”.  
And so he finally told them. Told about how his mother had got a depression and how it had become taboo to mention it in their home. He told about how she had slipped further and further away until he had come home early from school one day and had found her with a rope out in their garage. She had begged him to never tell anyone about it, so he had kept quiet. But he hadn’t been able to keep the dark thoughts out of his head. The fear of not being able to save his mom, if she ever tried again kept him awake at night, and made him unable to eat. School hadn’t been enough to keep his mind occupied, and he had cut class to keep himself distracted. He ended up almost getting kicked out of school because of his truancy. Never before had his father been so furious, as when he had gotten a call from the school. That was the first time he had ever hit Taekwoon.  
He had reached a point where he started wondering if it would be better, if he just didn’t exist. Then he wouldn’t worry his parents anymore. Once he had even tried ending his life, but his father had found him in time. That was the last time his father had ever hit him.  
“That was when I got accepted at the soccer team”, Taekwoon said. His eyes were clearly wet from his suppressed tears, as he talked: “It’s the first thing I’ve ever been truly good at anything and I felt like I for once wasn’t a disappointment to my parents… and my mom seemed truly happy, when she watched me play”. In the corner of his eye, Taekwoon noticed Hongbin wipe a single tear away.  
“But now that I can’t play soccer anymore I fear… I fear I won’t be able to make my mom happy again”, his voice suddenly got very thick: “I-I don’t want to be a disappointment to her”.  
“Taekwoon-hyung, your mother is so proud of you”, Hongbin said and laid his head on Taekwoons shoulder: “I talked with her before every soccer match and I talked with her before I visited you… she loves you so much”.  
“What do you mean you’re only good at soccer?”, Hakyeon suddenly said and leaned a little forward to get eye contact with Taekwoon: “Your singing is amazing! With a little training you could become the best! Even better than Park Hyoshin!”. Taekwoon couldn’t help but smile a little, at Hakyeons words.  
“You should show the world you talent”, Hakyeon carried on talking: “I’m sure your mother will always be there in the front row rooting for you”. He smiled at Taekwoon: “There’s still room in our band for you”. Taekwoon lowered his gaze, and wiped the tears away that had managed to escape his eyes.  
“We’ll always be there for you Taekwoon”, Wonshik said and managed to get eye contact with Taekwoon: “You can always tell us if something is worrying you… okay?”. Taekwoon nodded slightly as response to their words. He didn’t know what he had ever done to deserve friends like this. But he was truly grateful, that he didn’t have to feel alone anymore.  
“Let’s go home, Taekwoon-ah”.


	12. Chapter 12

"A talent show?"  
"Yes!!"  
"So... it's a show... where you show your talent?"  
"Yes!! It's perfect - it's just what we need!", Hakyeon said in an excited voice clapping his hands together in a very un-manly way. They were all gathered at Wonshik's place, and Hakyeon was standing in front of the black leather sofa where the remaining boys were seated. It was him who had brought up the talent show, sounding like a kid who had received a big gift at Christmas. Wonshik was looking at the older boy with a frown, a bit unsure about his proposal. But Jaehwan was immediately hyped on the idea.  
"We should totally do that", he squealed almost jumping out of his seat. Sanghyuk looked at his elder with a surprised expression.  
"Hyung...", he said in a calm tone: "Control youself". But as always, Jaehwan didn't listen to Sanghyuk's words.  
"It's a woooooonderful idea!", he sang and got up from the sofa, to grab Hakyeon by the wrists. He shook them as he continued talking: "We can sing one of the covers we've practiced or... OH! We could sing one of the songs, that Wonshik has written!!". At this comment Wonshik seemed to get a bit more hooked on the idea. For a long time he had hoped for an opportunity to show his songs to other people than his five friends.  
"And we could make a cool choreography for the song to show as well", Hakyeon said pulling his wrists out of Jaehwan's grip to turn around to face the boys in the sofa: "Most of the participants probably only sing or only dance... doing both would make sure that the judges would remember us!".  
"That's actually... a pretty good idea", Hongbin muttered in what could be mistaken for a surprised tone.  
"You sound like my ideas aren't always good!", Hakyeon said in an offended tone looking down at Hongbin. Hongbin chose not to say anything, but just smiled innocently at Hakyeon.  
"You little punk...", Hakyeon snorted, leaning over to chop Hongbin's neck. Hongbin leaned to the side with a light giggle, trying to evade Hakyeon's attack. But Hakyeon grabbed him by the shoulder to keep him still, and chopped him several times as a punishment for his words.  
"What do you think, Takwoon-hyung?", Wonshik asked as he pulled Hakyeon of the youngster. Taekwoon, who had been silent for the entire meeting, nodded lightly with a tiny smile on his lips.

It had been a few weeks since the night on the bridge. They had all promised to never tell Taekwoon's parents, since he didn't want to worry his mother. And more than anything he feared, that his father would have him locked away, if he ever found out about it. So the only people who knew about the incident, besides Taekwoon, were Hakyeon, Jaehwan, Wonshik, Hongbin and Sanghyuk. And Taekwoon was gonna make sure, that it stayed that way.

The boys had made sure, that one of them was always with Taekwoon the week after the accident. Mostly it had been Hongbin who had been with him. Taekwoon hadn't liked how they had all treated him like he could jump out in front of a train any minute, when he had already assured them, that he was alright. But at the same time, he didn't really mind spending that much time with Hongbin. It had been quite nice.  
A few days earlier Hakyeon had once again asked Taekwoon, if he wanted to be a part of their band and to everyone's surprise Taekwoon had accepted. His knee was finally getting better, but unfortunately he wasn't able to play soccer again. So giving singing another chance had seemed like a great way, to keep himself occupied from that dark mess inside of him, that he did everything in his power to escape.  
As well as Taekwoon had become a part of the band, they had also finally found a name for the group. VIXX. It had been Wonshik's idea. It was an acronym for "Voice, Visual, Value in excelsis". How he had created the acronym from those words, they weren't sure.

"But if we're going to be a real band, I think we should come up with some stage names", Wonshik suggested after a little while.  
"Oh yeah, because I'm sure one little talent show is gonna make us worldwide famous", Sanghyuk said in a sarcastic tone. It was getting a bit late, and the youngest tended to get twice as sassy when he was tired. Hakyeon turned his head towards Sanghyuk so quickly, that his neck cracked.  
"Turn down the sass, maknae, and let Wonshik finish", he said in an alarming tone.  
"I know I know", Wonshik say in response to Sanghyuk's words: "I just thought it would be fun and you know... more band like".  
"Oooooh Hongbin's name should be Binnie... That would be so cute!" Jaehwan squealed a little too excited, to which he received a disgusted face from Hongbin.  
"Or he could be called Bean!" Sanghyuk suddenly joined the discussion.  
"No, no, no BingBong is gonna get all the ladies!"  
"I vote for Park-Hyoshin-lover123"  
"Guys!" Hongbin finally cut them off: "I think Hongbin is fine". He was about to say more, when suddenly he sensed something next to him. It wasn't very loud, but he definitely noticed it.  
"Did you say something", he asked looking at Taekwoon. Taekwoon looked at him with a startled expression and quickly shakeed his head.  
"No", he said with a soft voice.  
"You totally did! What did you say! " Hongbin carried on. Taekwoon shook his head again, and hid his head in his hands, as a slight blush colored his cheeks pink.  
"Jung Taekwoon you better tell me right now!", Hongbin said with a light chuckle and grabbed Taekwoon by the wrists.  
"....... You should be called Dimple Prince" Taekwoon finally said with the teeniest tiniest voice. There was a few moments of silence between the boys, as Taekwoons words finally sunk in.  
"I'm not sure if that was supposed to be a joke", Sanghyuk said in a horrified tone.  
"I NEED BLEACH! BLEACH FOR MY EARS", Jaehwan yelled, as he dramatically fell back in the sofa.  
"Like you aren't the cheesiest guy in the whole of South Korea", Hakyeon said with a light sigh and shook his head.  
"I think I'll just go with Hongbin", Hongbin cut through, his ears slightly red in secondhand embarrassment on account of his boyfriend. Taekwoon nodded, still hiding his head in his hands.  
"I've actually thought about a name", Wonshik said after a little to get the attention away from the embarrassed Taekwoon: "I like the name 'Ravi'".  
"Ravi?", Hakyeon said in a questioning tone.  
"Yeah! It's French and means "enchanted" or "to be attracted"", Wonshik explained with a smile on his lips.  
"I'm sure Hakyeon-hyung would agree with that name", Sanghyuk says in a low voice.  
"HAN SANGHYUK!", Hakyeon suddenly yells, making everyone jump: "I swear I'm gonna slap you, if you don't behave". He crossed his arms and looked down on Sanghyuk, before he with a deep sigh asked: "Instead of dissing Wonshik's idea, why don't you come up with a stage name yourself".  
"I think Terminator would suit him well"  
"I meant a stage name for yourself..."  
"Well... Terminator is still an option"  
"We're definitely NOT going to call you Terminator"  
"You know, I've also been told that I look like Kiba so..."  
"SANGHYUK!"  
"Alright, alright", Sanghyuk said looking thoughtful for a minute: "I'll just go with Hyuk then". Wonshik gave him a surprised look.  
"Really?"  
"Yup"  
"No shitty ass naruto-trash-name?"  
"No... that's my ninja way"  
"Hyuk is good", Hakyeon quickly said, stopping Wonshik from releasing a wave of anime-hate: "It's short and easy to remember... I was thinking about something a little short as well". He continued talking so fast, that no one got the change to ask him, what name he had come up with.  
"I like 'N'", he says: "I mean, I was thinking about "inyeon" aaaand so I came up with N!", he explained with an excited smile on his lips. Wonshik nodded and muttered a silent "Oooh" in response.  
"I want a fun name!", Jaehwan exclaims with a small pout: "There's nothing fun in being called you're real name or some fancy French word!". He once again got up from the sofa, as he was getting too worked up to sit down. Hakyeon and Wonshik both went for the empty spot in the sofa at the same time, and Hakyeon ended up with Wonshik on his lap. Both refusing to move, they ended up remaining in that position.  
"Well, what name do you want then?", Wonshik asked, acting like he wasn't sitting on Hakyeon's lap: "What qualifies as a fun name?". Hakyeon discreetly wrapped his arms around Wonshik's waist to be able to sit more comfortably.  
"Chopper", Jaehwan says refering to the reindeer character from One Piece.  
"You should call yourself Ken", Sanghyuk suggested: "You know, like Ken from Street Fighter!". Hakyeon nodded in agreement and added: "He also kinda resembles Hirai Ken".  
"If I'm gonna be Ken, Taekwoon should be Barbie", Jaehwan suggested sounding scaringly serious: "Since we're the main vocals it would be cool if our names matched".  
"We're not gonna call Sanghyuk Terminator", Hakyeon said in an authoritarian voice: "And we're definitely NOT gonna call Taekwoon Barbie". Jaehwan sighed deeply and sat down in one of the armchairs, as none of the other boys seemed to like his suggestions.  
"You don't want to be called Ken then?", Sanghuk asks.  
"It's fine", Jaehwan said, and under his breath he muttered: "But being called Chopper would be so much cooler".  
"Then we just need a name for Taekwoon...", Hakyeon said his words followed by a slight hum, as he searched his mind for a good stage name for his friend. His eyes were focused at Taekwoon.  
"I... I guess Taekwoon would be fine", Taekwoon said with a light voice, not wanting to bother the others, as he couldn't come up with one himself.  
"Ah no no, we need another name for you!", Wonshik exclaimed: "We can't have three members with their real name... that'll just make the rest of us look weird!".  
"I have an idea", Sanghyuk saed. Hakyeon raised his brows slightly.  
"Really?", he asked in a suspicious voice.  
"Since Jaehwan-hyung is going to be called 'Ken', because he resembles this Ken guy", Sanghyuk said with a calm voice: "I think we should call him 'Hamster'"  
"Hamster?"  
"Or Hamji!", Jaehwan contributed: "That's really cute". Hakyeon let out a sigh so deep, that it sounded like all air left his body.  
"Don't any of you have some SERIOUS suggestions?", he asked and turned his head to look at the boys next to him.  
"... Leo", Hongbin suddenly said with a very low voice.  
"Come again?", Hakyeon said as he wasn't able to hear, what Hongbin says.  
"He could be called Leo", Hongbin said one more time, now with a slightly louder voice: "Kind of like "king of the jungle" or... I don't know... it was stupid! Just forget it".  
"That might actually not be that stupid", Wonshik mumbled with a thoughtful look: "It's kind of like "king of the jungle" as in "we're totally gonna kick the other competitors asses since we have the strongest vocals... I like it!".  
"What do you think, Taekwoon?", Hakyeon asked. Taekwoon turned to look at Hongbin. His cheeks were slightly red after sharing his idea with the others. Taekwoon was well aware of how insecure Hongbin was about his skills and ideas. So he sended him a loving smile.  
"I like it", he said, his words making Hongbin look a little more comfortable.  
"So that's settled then!", Wonshik said with a smile: "Now we all have awesome stage names!"  
"But... what exactly are we gonna use them for?", Sanghyuk asked in a questioning tone: "I mean... no one outside this room knows, that we're a band".  
"Well...having nicknames is always fun", Wonshik said: "And I would much rather be called 'Ravi' than 'Snorlax' and 'Droopy Eyes'".  
"I told you to stop calling him that!", Hakyeon said in an alarming tone.  
"Sorry, mom", Sanghyuk and Jaehwan apologized almost in unison.  
"God, sometimes I wonder why I spend time with you guys...", Wonshik muttered. Somehow Jaehwan managed to lean out of his chair and embrace Wonshik in a hug.  
"Because you love us, Wonshikie", he said, trying to sound cute. Wonshik tried to escape the hug, but this only made Jaehwan hold him even tighter.  
"And on that note I think its about time, that we go to bed", Hakyeon said, giving Jaehwan a light pat on the back: "We've gotsome long days ahead of us".


	13. Chapter 13

It seemed like he was the only one who noticed it. His pale skin. The sweat dripping from his chin. The T-shirt sticking to his body. He was probably also the only one who had his gaze locked at Hongbin 80% of the time, while they were practicing.  
“Are you ready to run through it one more time”, Hakyeon asked standing by the stereo – ready to start the music again. After deciding on a song for the talent show, Hakyeon had created a choreography for their performance. After trying out the dance with the boys, they had borrowed Hakyeon’s brother’s (who conveniently worked as a dance instructor) dance studio, where they now multiple times had practiced their dance. They had recorded a rough version of the song on Hakyeon’s phone, so they had music to practice with.  
“Sure”, Wonshik replied with a smile, to which the others gave him a confirming nod. Taekwoon tried to get eye contact with Hongbin, but the younger boy was too busy wiping his sweaty forehead in his shirt.  
“Could we take a five minute break?”, Taekwoon asked with a soft voice, looking over at Hakyeon: “Just to get some water”. To be honest he wasn’t really thirsty, but it looked like Hongbin could use a break. That way Taekwoon would also be able to make sure that he was okay.  
“Oh… sure!”, Hakyeon said and nodded: “I’m sure all of us could use some water. The boys split their formation to go for their water bottles. They quickly fell into conversation, as Jaehwan complained about his hurting feet, and Sanghyuk contributed by saying, that he would never be able to walk straight again. After getting his water Taekwoon crossed the room to reach Hongbin, who was quietly watching the others.  
“Are you okay?”, Taekwoon asked in a concerned tone with his eyes on Hongbin. Hongbin jumped slightly at Takwoon’s words as he had been deeply emerged into the other boys’ conversation. He turned around to face his boyfriend.  
“Yeah, of course I’m okay”, Hongbin said with a surprised voice: “Why are you asking?”. Up close Taekwoon saw, that Hongbin’s eyes were a bit glassy. He couldn’t help but feel worried, even though Hongbin had already assured him, that nothing was wrong. He was well aware, that he tended to lie, when it came to his own health. At least when he wasn’t fine.  
“You just look a little pale”, Taekwoon said. He reached out to feel Hongbin’s forehead, but Hongbin quickly pulled away.  
“I told you I’m fine”, he said in a slightly annoyed tone: “Stop making such a fuss about it”. Taekwoon lowered his head and nodded lightly in response. He didn’t want to argue with Hongbin, no matter how bad he felt about the situation. When Hongbin told him he was fine he had to believe, that it was the truth.

“So guys, I think there are some steps we need to work with a little bit more”, Hakyeon started talking, as the boys were slowly getting back into position: “But I think we should run the whole thing through one more time, before we start correcting, if that’s alright?”. As they all agreed with his proposal, he walked over to the stereo to turn on the music, so that they could start practicing again.   
Hakyeon had pretty much automatically become the leader of their band. As he had been the one who had suggested the talent show, who had come up with their choreography and who had found a place where they could practice, he had quite naturally become the “spokesperson” of the group.   
So as the dance instructor, he would usually correct people while they danced if he spotted any mistakes. And this exact day, Hongbin seemed to be making a lot of mistakes.  
“A little more to the left, Hongbin!”, Hakyeon yelled over the music, as he was watching Hongbin in the mirror. Hongbin did as he was told, but not after long Hakyeon had to correct him again.  
“You need to move a little to the left again, Hongbin”, Hakyeon shouted. His voice was getting fainter and fainter, as he was out of breath from both dancing and correcting his friends. So he decided to wait till when they had finished, to mention any other mistakes that would occur.   
Taekwoon’s gaze was locked at his own moments in the mirror, making sure that he got the moves right. He kept his back straight and silently sang along to the song playing on the speakers.  
It wasn’t until the music stopped, that Taekwoon finally looked away from his own reflection. As the music slowly faded away, the boys started breaking formation. Hakyeon turned around to face the others, blocking Taekwoon’s view to Hongbin.   
“I think my soul has left my body”, Jaehwan complained with a heavy sigh. Sanghyuk wanted to agree with him, but he was too low on air to say anything at all.   
“So…”, Hakyeon started talking as soon as he was able to speak again: “There are a few points I would like to run through one more time-”. As Hakyeon spoke, Hongbin stumbled a few steps forward, as if he was about to fall over.  
“Grab him, grab him, grab him!”, Hakyeon was cut off by Wonshik’s hurried voice, as Hongbin was about to lose his footing. Sanghyuk was quick to turn around to grab Hongbin right before he fell down face first. Taekwoon rushed over to the two, and helped Sanghyuk getting Hongbin down on the ground. Up close Taekwoon was able to see, how pale Hongbin actually was.  
“Did he pass out?”, Jaehwan asked in a worried tone.  
“Could you go get some water?”, Hakyeon asked Jaehwan, as he kneeled down besides Hongbin. At his words, Jaehwan quickly ran to get some fresh water. Taekwoon was sitting on the other side of Hongbin. He was lightly caressing Hongbins’ arm, while Hakyeon was gently patting his shoulders, while quietly calling his name: “Hongbin… Hongbin, can you hear me?”. It felt like forever, but it didn’t take many seconds, before Hongbin finally opened his eyes. He looked at the guys surrounding him with a bewildered look.  
“What are you doing?”, he mumbled and tried to sit up. He was quickly stopped by Taekwoons hand against his chest. Taekwoon was able to feel the heat from Hongbins body through his shirt.  
“It’s best if you stay down for a little”, Hakyeon said with his hand on Hongbin’s shoulder, and carefully made Hongbin lay down again. As he noticed how hot Hongbin felt, he laid his hand on Hongbins forehead.   
“Why didn’t you tell us, that you weren’t feeling well”, Hakyeon said sounding like a disappointed parent: “You’re burning up!”. He was gently stroking Hongbins arm as he was talking. Taekwoon couldn’t help but feel slightly jealous, as all of Hongbin’s attention was fixed at Hakyeon. It made him feel horrible, as Hakyeon was clearly only trying to help Hongbin.  
“I just… I just didn’t want to drag you down”, Hongbin mumbled and closed his eyes: “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to be a bother”. Hakyeon gave him a sad smile and lightly patted his shoulder.  
“You aren’t a bother”, Hakyeon assured him: “Of course you aren’t”. The door was opened, and Jaehwan rushed in caring not less than four water bottles in his arms. He handed Hakyeon one of the bottles, but Taekwoon was quick to grab it. He wanted to be the one to help Hongbin. He should be the one who helped Hongbin.  
“Hongbin”, he called the younger boy with a light voice, making Hongbin open his eyes again: “Do you want some water?”. Hongbin nodded slightly and with Hakyeon and Taekwoon’s hands against his back he was able to sit up. He received the bottle from Taekwoon and with shaking hands he took a few sips of water.  
“Well, you DEFINITELY aren’t going to practice more today young man”, Hakyeon said and got the bottle from Hongbin, so that he could close the bottle for him: “You’re going home to your bed”. Hongbin sighed but still nodded in agreement as he leaned towards Taekwoon to rest his head on his shoulder.  
“I’ll drive him home”, Taekwoon said as he made eye contact with Hakyeon. He was gently rubbing small circles on Hongbin’s back. Hakyeon nodded.  
“We’re coming with you!”, Jaehwan said with a determined look and grabbed Sanghyuk’s arm: “We’re all gonna nurse our artwork back to health!!”.   
“The two of you are staying right where you are”, Hakyeon stopped Jaehwan before Sanghyuk was able to comment on the case: “Just because Hongbin needs to go home, doesn’t mean I can’t run through the main points through with the rest of you”. Jaehwan let out a deep dramatic sigh.   
“I’ll help you out in the car”, Wonshik suddenly joined in with his eyes on Taekwoon and Hongbin. Hakyeon and Jaehwan continue their “discussion” (whether they should continue practicing or go home) as Wonshik and Taekwoon both got up from the ground. With slightly shaking legs Hongbin managed to get up from the floor as well. As soon as he got up, Taekwoon grabbed Hongbin’s arm.  
“Are you okay?”, he asked in a soft voice, to which he received a tiny smile from Hongbin.  
“I’m fine”, he answered: “But… I wouldn’t mind if you held onto my arm”. Taekwoon’s tightened his grip around Hongbin’s arm slightly, to assure him, without using any words, that he wouldn’t let him fall.   
***  
“Should I call your mom?”, Taekwoon asked, after they had driven in silence for a bit. Hongbin moved his gaze from the window, to look at Taekwoon.  
“You don’t need to do that”, Hongbin answered him. Taekwoon frowned.  
“Are you sure?”, Taekwoon asked, not sure why they shouldn’t call Hongbin’s mother in advance. He would feel a lot better calling in advance, than just suddenly showing up with a sick Hongbin. Hongbin bit his lip and looked down.  
“Yeah…”, he muttered: “There’s no need to do so”. It was at this comment that Taekwoon finally understood what was going on.   
“She isn’t home, isn’t she?”, he asked with a calm voice. There was a long moment of silence, before Hongbin finally shook his head. Due to her work, Hongbin’s mother traveled a lot - so this wasn’t the first time he was home alone. Still Taekwoon didn’t feel good about leaving Hongbin alone after what had happened earlier.   
“I’m gonna stay with you then”, Taekwoon said.  
“You really don’t need to”  
“But I will”  
“I don’t want to be a bother”  
“You’re not”, Taekwoon says with his usual gentle voice: “You were there for me, when I needed you… and I’m gonna be there for you, when you need me”.   
Taekwoon turned off the engine of the car, as he had reached Hongbin’s home. He got out of the car rather quickly, and walked over to the other side of the car to open the door for Hongbin. When Hongbin had gotten out of the car, Taekwoon turned his back towards him and bend down in his knees. Hongbin frowned.  
“What are you doing?”, he asked in a confused tone.  
“Get up”, Taekwoon said.  
“You know I’m capable of walking on my own, right?”  
“Just get up”. Hongbin watched Taekwoon for a few moments in silence, before he with a heavy sigh finally got up on Taekwoon’s back. Carrying Hongbin on his back, Taekwoon walked up the driveway.   
“Taekwoon?”, Hongbin suddenly asked resting his head on Taekwoon’s shoulder.  
“Mmhhhmm?”, Taekwoon hummed in response.  
“Are you sure, I’m not being a bother?”  
“Of course not… If you were bothering me, I would have dumped you in the trash long ago”  
“I think you mean in the trash BIN”. Hongbin waited for Taekwoon’s reaction to his joke several moments. He expected him to at least pretend, that he found it funny. But Taekwoon remained silent.   
“You never appreciate my jokes”, Hongbin sulked, which caused Taekwoon to finally smile.  
“I love you”, Taekwoon said with a lowered voice not expecting Hongbin to hear him. But it didn’t take long until Hongbin replied: “I love you too”.


	14. Chapter 14

"Has anyone seen Taekwoon?", Hakyeon asked: "I can't find him anywhere". Hongbin looked up from the game of cards which was taking place between Jaehwan and Sanghyuk on the table in front of him.  
"No... how long has he been missing?", Hongbin asked getting up from his seat. After weeks of practice it was finally the day of the talent show, and the boys were waiting backstage along with the other contestants. There was still a bit of time to kill, before it would be their turn to go on stage. They were all wearing matching black T-shirts with "VIXX" written across the chest in white.  
"I'm not sure", Hakyeon said starting to sound slightly worried: "I haven't seen him since they told us, that there are talent scouts among the audience". Before starting, the organizer of the show had announced that talent scouts from one of the most prestigious art schools was watching the show, and would possibly be offering scholarships for some of the most talented contestants after the show. For Taekwoon and Hakyeon - who soon had to decide what they wanted to do after finishing 3. year - this wasn't an opportunity that could be surpassed.  
"We should probably go look for him then", Wonshik said shifting between looking at Hongbin and Hakyeon. But Hongbin shook his head.  
"Don't worry, I'll go and look for him", he said followed by one of his characteristic smiles: "I'm sure it's not anything serious".  
"You sure?", Hakyeon asked: "I can come with you, if you need it". But once again Hongbin shook his head.  
"He's probably just getting some air", he said: "He wouldn't like it, if we made a big deal out of it". And with those words he went to look for his boyfriend. The waiting area was filled with teens and young adults who were warming up their vocal cords or going through their choreography one last time - so getting through the crowd was a true pain. But after a while Hongbin finally reached the door leading to the outside. The cold wind send shivers down his spine, but he still continued his search, closing the door behind him.  
"TAEKWOON?", he called and took a look around, only seeing empty benches. He couldn't help the worried feeling that was starting to grow inside his stomach. After the night he almost lost Taekwoon, he couldn't help but fear that something would happen to the older boy, when he wasn't around. But luckily he spotted Taekwoon between some of the parked cars in the parking lot after a few moments.  
"Hey!", he called trying to get Taekwoon's attention. But it seemed like Taekwoon didn't hear him, as proceeded to walk towards his car.  
"HEY, WAIT!", Hongbin yelled as he started running towards Taekwoon. This finally seemed to get the other boy's attention, as he turned his head towards Hongbin after opening the car door.  
"Where are you going?", Hongbin asked in a confused tone, as he finally caught up to Taekwoon.  
"Home", he answered with a low voice as he sat down in the driver's seat and put the seatbelt on. Hongbin gave him a bewildered look.  
"What? No, you can't do that", he said. His voice got more frantic as Taekwoon closed the car door: "Taekwoon, it'll be our turn soon!". He knocked on the window as he once again called Taekwoon's name, which made the older roll down the window.  
"What's the matter?", Hongbin asked with a concerned tone: "Aren't you feeling well?". Taekwoon lowed his head, with his eyes fixed at his feet.  
"I can't do this", he mumbled almost inaudible.  
"What do you mean? Of course you can", Hongbin said along with a comforting smile: "You're just starting to get nervous - we all are!". He placed his hand on Taekwoon's shoulder to lightly caress it, but Taekwoon stayed silent.  
"Come on, let's go inside to the others", Hongbin said and moved his hand to open the door. But Taekwoon remained seated.  
"I really can't do this, Hongbin", Taekwoon said with a shaky voice and finally looked up, revealing the tears that was starting to build up in the corners of his eyes: "I just can't". Hongbin squatted down, so he was closer to be on the same eye level as Taekwoon.  
"Jagiya, don't cry", Hongbin mumbled as he grabbed Taekwoon's hand: "Is it because of the talent scouts?". Hongbin took Taekwoon's silence as a yes.  
"Don't worry about it", Hongbin said with a light smile: "Of course they're gonna offer you a scholarship! You're the best singer I know of... maybe even better than Park Hyoshin". Hongbin hoped that his last comment would cheer up Taekwoon. But not even the mentioning of Taekwoon's favorite artist could make him smile.  
"But... but what if I'm not good enough", Taekwoon mumbled with a tearful voice: "What if they don't want me in their school... what am I going to do then?". At last a tear escaped his eye, and silently rolled down his cheek. Hongbin shook his head and carefully wiped the tear away from Taekwoons cheeks with his thumb, before taking Taekwoon's face in his hands.  
"Jung Taekwoon, listen to me now you're being absolutely silly", he said with a firm voice as he looked into Taekwoon's wet eyes: "Not only are you a natural talent at singing, you have also worked you butt off the last couple of weeks - anyone would want a student like you at their school". He let go of Taekwoon's face to cross his arms.  
"By going home you kill ANY chance of going to that school... and I'm definitely not going to let you do that", Hongbins continued his speech looking at Taekwoon, who had once again lowered his head. His voice suddenly became a bit softer: "And you know... I think the other guys would be pretty sad to have to go up there without you". Taekwoon remained silent as he dried of the tears which had started to roll down his cheeks. A small smile escaped Hongbins lips, as he watched the older. Normally he seemed so strong like nothing could break him down. But at times like this he became the smallest and most fragile being on earth. That's what broke him in Busan. But now he had Hongbin. And Hongbin would protect him as long as he's was still breathing. No matter what it took.  
"Come on", Hongbin said as he got up. He reached out to Taekwoon to help him get out of the car, and after a few moments Taekwoon finally took his hand. When he had closed the door and locked the car, Hongbin took his hands and pulled him a little closer.  
"Hey...", he said in a soft voice smiling at Taekwoon: "You're great, I'm great, We're ALL great! We've got this". While talking he excitedly shook Taekwoons hands very lightly, finally making Taekwoon smile a teeny tiny bit: "Are you ready to go and kick some ass?".  
***  
"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome group number 12!", the announcer said in an excited tone. The boys were standing by the entrance to the stage, waiting to enter.  
"The all-boys group VIXX, consisting of N, LEO, KEN, LARVA-"  
"Who of you changed my na-!"  
"HONGBIN and HYUK!", as she read the last name aloud the audience started clapping which was the cue for the boys to step out on stage. They assumed the position they had taken countless times, before signaling the sound engineer that they were ready. Shortly before the song started Taekwoon looked up, getting eye contact with Hongbin who send him a smile showing off his stupid beautiful dimples. He mouthed something which could be a silent "Fighting" but Taekwoon wasn't quite sure. Neither did he have the time to think more about it for long, as the music started. But never the less did these few seconds of eye contact bring a smile on his lips, giving him the strength to do his absolute best - delivering an extraordinary performance.  
And what a performance it was. All of the boys moved smoothly along with the music, perfectly in sync with each other. They all sang better than ever, and Taekwoon managed to hit his high note so well it even send shivers down Hongbin's spine.  
After the song ended, Taekwoon felt as he was in a daze as they walked down from the stage. They had been the last contestants so after their performance the judged were deciding on the winner of the show. The boys sat down in the sofa in the waiting area, ecstatically talking about the performance and how great it had went. To be quite honest, Taekwoon didn't really hear much of it and it felt like mere seconds before all of the contestants had to go back on stage for the announcement of the winter.  
Two girls, who both attended Sanghyuk's class, won the 3rd place accompanied by applause from the audience. After handing over the medals to the two girls, the announcer quickly moved on.  
"AND the winner of the Hanlim High talent show is-", she said and dramatically drew an envelope from her pocket. Taekwoon felt as if everything inside of him froze. His eyes were locked at the floor. Wonshik was slightly shaking and so Hakyeon did something he had wanted to do for a long time, and took his hand - intertwining their fingers. Wonshik looked a bit startled for a moment but soon smiled and gave Hakyeon's hand a light squeeze.  
"Congratulations to GROUP NUMER 12: VIXX!", the announcer said loudly as the sound engineer started some music. The boys looked up, unsure what to do for a second, before becoming one giant mess. Hakyeon was quick to grab the nearest person - Wonshik - and hug him tightly. Hongbin followed suit and grabbed the still quite dazed Taekwoon to pull him into a big hug. Sanghyuk and Jaehwan decided to tag along connecting everyone in one big group hug. Shortly they had to split up, to actually receive their award.  
Taekwoon's eyes ran over the audience. He saw the soccer team standing in the middle of the crowd, cheering louder than anyone. Minho was there as well, along with Emma, who too looked up at the stage with a smile on her face. He spotted his parents in the second row. His mother, who a couple of years ago had refused to leave their home, was now standing there excitedly cheering for her son before poking the lady next to her side to point out, that that talented young man was her son. His father was beside her and for the first time in what had to be years, Taekwoon saw a smile on his face. He turned his head to look at his team members, his friends who were all smiling, and waving at their parents and whoever they knew in the crowd. Especially he saw Hongbin. The one person, he loved more than anything.  
And in right that moment he couldn't care less whether he would get that scholarship or not. Not long ago, he had felt like the loneliest guy in the world, with no reason to breathe. But as he stood on that stage, and saw everyone he loved in front of him, he had finally found a reason to carry on.  
Finally, he was home.


End file.
